Total Mental Breakdown

Will I make it out alive?

Thursday, November 21, 2019 Anxiety, Depression, Future, Music, PTSS, Sadness No comments

Yeah, despite my training and work with my own limitations caused by anxiety, depression and PTSS, I also have days like this, where I just don't see any other options, that the obvious stated. This piece of music calms me down a bit, when sadness has the upper hand - to hear another person asking the same question, as I ask myself. Will this be the cause of my death(?) What's my future going to be like, if I can't work? I guess the lyrics...

I still try to shake off depression

Monday, November 18, 2019 Anxiety, Appetite, Depression, PTSD, PTSS No comments

After an overload of pressure, I've sunk into a depressive state and needed some serious RnR, to get back to be able to hold my ground. I certainly found a limit there. Just a bit of mental overload, and depression and anxiety is back. I wanted to let you know, that I'm now off the couch. That was a fight not to just stay under the the duvet and pretend, that the rest of the world does not exist. Or even better; I don't excist. It took me some time just to get there, and I'm trying to hold on the best I can. I stay away from computers, phones...

Depressing rainy days with panic attacks

Thursday, October 17, 2019 Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks, RnR No comments

I know, it's the season changing, and it seems that I manage to "forget" that each year. Everything is wet, cold, windy, rainy and grey, and it affects my mood big time. SAD, seasonal effective disorder is normal in my country, and when you are depressed upf front, the season changes definately not help. I've tried to get up, but doesn't really succeed. It's like I don't put my heart into fighting this right now. I wonder why. I feel tired....

I'm on a break from the world - dissociation

Tuesday, October 15, 2019 Break, Dissociation, Escape, Relax No comments

I discovered, I have a habit of escaping into a fantasy world, when the real world seems to hard to handle. I am not totally disassociated, I'm well aware that the world I escape into is not real. But dissociation gives me the break from the true world, that I need. And as always, I find a "magic world" or similar, to escape into. Anything but the real world will do! I'm eating and sleeping a lot, and I have been for some days now, so I'm...

Rest and Recreation

Thursday, October 10, 2019 Accept I Am Sick, Anxiety, Depression, Maslow, Recreation, Relax, Rest, RnR No comments

After all the stress around the house, I noticed, that my body has started to tell me, that something is off. Or maybe I have started to listen more!!! No matter what, I have gone in RnR-mode, I rest a lot, I eat, and today I'll go thru my meds and check I've got everything on stock at home. I'm not totally down - not at all. But I can't handle a lot of plans, I don't want to promise anything to anyone, I want to try to take it easy and just...

I managed to pull thru

Sunday, October 06, 2019 Anxiety, Friends, Medication, Memoryloss, Panic Attacks, PTSS, Stress No comments

So time is going by, and I have lots to tell. First off, the house... The others were stressing me out, especially my BF. Things that I asked for so many times, should suddenly be brought in order. I'm happy the job is done, but a bit sad, since it was not considered important last year! Now we are selling, and it's finally a priority... However when we went out for dinner that day, I took my anxiety medication, and they apparently noticed that. After...

Chores and depression

Monday, September 30, 2019 Anxiety, Clutter, Depression, Diary, Force, Medication, Panic Attacks, Pressure, Relax, Sleep No comments

It seems impossible to find a way to get off my couch and in gear. Normally I would have played it safe and stayed put and relaxed, until this state passes. That's the best way to avoid deeper depression, anxiety and panic attacks. But since the house is up for sale, we have to keep it clean always, and besides, I know we're going to get visitors to look at the house during this week, so I really don't have a choise. So I'm forcing myself...

Bump on the road or return of depression and anxiety(?)

Sunday, September 29, 2019 Anxiety, Depression, Return, Total mental breakdown 1 comment

It's sometimes difficult to figure out, what's going on, when you have a couple of bad days in a row. Where's the limit between a couple of bad days and the return of anxiety and depression(?) I actually don't know, if any "measurement system" has been made, I have never seen or tried one, and never heard about it, so I really don't think so. However after a good period, it's more than likely, you'll experience some bad days too. I certainly...

Less stress - take a break!

Sunday, September 29, 2019 Anxiety, Break, Depression, Panic Attacks, Stress, Total mental breakdown No comments

It's not a surprise to you guys I guess, if you are amongst the stady readers: my depression has me caught again. I have tried to fight it, but I forgot a couple of things. I'll explain more in a few, but this shows - once again - how important it is, that we do not force ourselves or forget to take care of ourselves and the disease on daily basis. I have had some days, where I simply was eating and sleeping and fighting anxiety and panic...

"Cutting" on social media!

Friday, September 20, 2019 Contagious, Cutting, Histrionic personality disorder, HPD, Self punishment, Selfharm, Social media No comments

I feel a need to speak up about this, since selfharm apparently has become a new form of sick competition. You should know, that people who are really suffering from "cutting" (the urge to do damages to own body) they do not publish it on social media. They do it secretly, so that nobody knows. People showing off picture by picture of cuts, are not "cutters." I have been cutiing at one point. Noone knew, until the day I found myself...

Maintenance

Sunday, September 15, 2019 Maintenance No comments

Hi all We are currently updating the theme for the blog. I'm sorry for the inconvenience this may cause. Laila CC Team - des...

Does the planets really influence us?

Sunday, September 15, 2019 Insomnia, Moon, Planets, Prediction, Sleep No comments

I haven't slept for 36 hours, but that's not uncommon, when we have a full moon. I can't keep wondering, if the planets really influence us in any way. Previously I saw zodiac signs sayings more like entertainment, than as predictions. But now I'm no longer so sure. The moon definately influence me and my son, so how much does it actually affect us(?) I guess we'll never really know for sure. How about you? Does the moon affect your sle...

Depression and anxiety has me cornered

Wednesday, September 04, 2019 Anxiety, Breakdown, Depression, Mental No comments

I've felt depression lurking this time, now its here, along with its "friend" anxiety. I have no idea of of how long this shitty disease is going to keep me in my own personal jail this time. Even though I've been thru this several times before, it keep surprising me, how powerful this disease is. I'll try to write it down In lots of detail this time, to be able to analyse on my thought later on. Tiredness: I dragged myself off the sofa,...

Facial massage is healing

Monday, September 02, 2019 Headache, Massage, Stress, Survival techniques No comments

I have a lot of excessive water retained in my body. This is an effect of everything we stuff in our body, medications, food and drinks - and also my stomach/protein problems. The excessive water often accumulates in the legs, and in the morning you'll notice, your face is puffy, especially around the eyes. Your head feels like it's about to explode, so draining it like a waterfall would be wonderful. But it takes a little bit more...

This is hilarious - to me at least

Saturday, August 24, 2019 Diary, Dog, Tiredness, Worthless No comments

I was SO tired today. The house went to sleep late, and I got up early - surprise. I feel tired all the time, and at the same time I have huge troubles with insomnia. After a period of not sleeping, I really need to catch up, when I can. But I don't look sick, so... The following conversation took place... "I'm SO tired all the time. You all go to bed late, I can't keep doing that." "Why don't you sleep in during the weekends?" "Who takes...

Don't forget I'm sick even when I feel fine

Thursday, August 22, 2019 Anxiety, Appetite, Depression, Food, Forget, Insomnia, Maslow, Medication, Mental Hospital, Needs, Pyramid, Return, Sleep, Total mental breakdown No comments

- I wrote a blog post called "My way out of depression". It might seem funny, that I don't seem to follow up on that, but in fact I do on daily basis, I just don't write particularly about that. But I stumble my way back through from the deep black hole, trying to find my way to the light. I'm in the grey zone, and I stumble, I fall, I get hurt, I'm sad - but I also have successes, good days, with laughter and joy. As written many times... The...

Too smart to be mentally ill

Tuesday, August 20, 2019 Disorder, Mental, Poor, Problems, Rich, Sickness, Smart, Stupid, Syndroms No comments

"You sound to eloquent to be able to get a early retirement." Huh?...

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