Climbing back to life from the buttom of anxiety and depression

Restlessness is a huge part of climbing back to life from the bottom of the hole of anxiety and depression.
Anxiety attacks also appears more often, and the struggle to get back up can seem endless.

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I can not find peace

The meeting with the job consultant went fine, but I have been restless a long time leading up to that meeting.

They are going for mental disabiligty, since they don't feel sure that I can handle more pressure as a human beeing.


I'm fine with that, it'll give me more room to relax and get better.

But no matter what, I need some sort of extra income, bit I don't know where this is going to come from.

I have been on/off for several weeks now, trying to get up from the dark hole, but some days I simply can't find a reason to do so.

How am I supposed to create a second income here(?) I guess I'll have to move first.

The house is up for sale, but nobody knows, when it's going to be sold.
Again an uncertain future.

I can't handle that, not being able to plan anything.
The rest has this and that demand to the house. One wants his own room, besides the bedroom etc etc, and we'll, that is not possible.  So do you want to move or not?
Putting up impossible demands for a new place is not going to make me change my mind.
I'm not staying here.

So I'm restless, I pace around. I do a little here and there, with no actual result anywhere.
I'm so tired of this wandering about, I could scream.

My thoughts are killing me. I'm bombed by thoughts in my mind, like they all explode in the same time and want to be heard at once.
I can't event sort it out from each other.

I'm scared for the first time in a long time. I'm scared to end my life here ind the God forsaken place, without reaching the water, that I have been longing to get back to since I moved away as a teenager.
My whole life has been shaped by others wishes. I think it's about time, that my wished come a bit true also, before its too late.

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I feel very restless

- the talk with the job consultant is tomorrow. Last time I walked out on them because of false accusations.

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I am irritable and restless

I'm so tired and my mind wants to sleep, but my body disagrees.

There's so much stuff going on inside of me this last month, that I'm totally confused. And exhausted.

Because all these conflicting feelings I have inside confuses my mind even more, and I still haven't figured out the reason why.

Sometimes I just want to cover myself up in a blanket and pretend, I don't even exist.

In an attempt to find ease from the thoughts, I start a lot of projects, but don't stick with them for long. I simply can't hold my mind steady on one single project.

My sleeping methods description is about to be so large, that I wanted to make a shortcut to all of them, but then Google messes with my plans, and I don't get further.

Then I start dinner, but burn half of it, because I forget it. And all my time and the food is wasted.

It's simply like I can't succeed in anything right now. Maybe I'm simply affected by seasonal affective disorder. The dark grey weather most certainly does not help the mood. I wish I could afford to travel just a bit. It seems like I mainly spend the last 3 years at the hospital or recovering at home until next surgery. It doesn't feel like I have had a break in anything since 2009. God that's almost 10 years now!
But well, I hope to get a job at some point, so I can travel at least one more time.

And job... After my last experience, I'm not really sure, what I want. I'm not sure what I can handle. Nothing to stressful.

Now I'm restless again, so I'll stop for now and hope, you have a better day.

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Restlessness is a pain in the butt

I'm pacing back and fort. Go to get something, forget what it was, sees something else, and starts with that, until the next thing happens..

I had started on the pantry. Finds some boxes for the kitchen. Mess a little around there, until I recall the pantry. 

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