Dementia test

I've been at the doc for a dementia test today. I knew it wouldn't hurt physically, but emotionally I was SO scared, that I had to tell the nurse not to take notice of me crying, it's simply due to stress relief.

The very thought of suffering from dementia is do frightening for me, I think a bad result would finally break me for good and leave me with bot only a total mental breakdown - but simply finish me off for good.

And what's that test like(?)
Strange and funny at the same time.

I'm a mrs. I-need-to-know-it-all, so I really had to fight the urge, to ask a lot of questions.

But here's how my dementia test went down.

- what year is it?
- what month?
- the date of today?
- is it Wednesday?
that sort of questions.

Then she gave me 3 things to remember:, an apple, a windows, scissors.

She handed me a paper and told me to take it with my right hand, fold it. Then put it down on the floor and stand up next to it.
I felt the questions screaming- kinda funny - while doing the task.

- Now pick up the paper and draw a circle.
I did.
- put in numbers to make it look like a watch.
I did.
- Draw the clock as if it shows 9.20.
I did.
- Write a sentence...
I wrote something stupid.

You have 93, withdraw 7.
I did.
Withdraw 7.
I did
Withdraw 7....
I did, I did, I did...

What was the 3 things I told you to remember?
Scissors, apple, window.

I got some Pentagon's to draw in free hand, and to finished it up, they took a blood sample, heart cardiogram, and I peed in a cup. LOL-thay was the worst part!

So once again; not so damn frightening, as it was in my mind.
However - as I told the doc - I'm not scared of the test. Physical pain I can handle. However I don't know how to handle it, if the test comes out with me having dementia, a permanent brain malfunction.

But today I was a straight A student and came thru with flying colours :-)
The test will be continued, but so far do good.
Thank God.

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Personal - Violent Haemorrhage

I got scared today. I was on the phone during a car drive. When I got off the car, I felt something running down my legs...
I told the person, that I was on the phone with, to call my collegue.
I felt something running down my legs, like when I had the miscarriage. I was scared as hell.
When I got into my lab building, I thought I would be alone - but I saw my co-leader there, sitting at the meeting table in my office. My co-leader and me, there's nothing between us, but the desire to make the plants running.
However we have both been involved in each others bad times, when that was nessesary.
But this time...
I was rushing to the toilet, and my friend of course knew that something was up.
Because I am too thin, I wear 2 sets of pants, the ones on the inside on that day, was sportswear - white.
It was totally obvious, that something bad happened, there was blood everywhere. I was bleeding through both the inside pants and my work pants (which fortunately is black.) But there was a blood trail following me, so...
My co-leader suggested, "well, its just your period" - well - he is a man - I told him, that I have had my period since I was 15, and nothing like this has ever happened before.
He wanted to drive me home, but well - Im an independent woman, I did it myself. Stupid!!!
I got to the personal doctor in time, she examined me and didn't find anything wrong besides my poor physical state in general (weight.)
Well, great...
I think Ill try to eat something now... See ya

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Medication regulation and eating

After my first session with the Psychologist, the agreement was to get my medication checked with my personal doc.
I didn't really care, only if they would serve me a doc Kevakian treatment.
if I could just get out the "easy way", that would be great.
But I fight for the sake of my children.

I went to my personal doctor, accompanied by my friend and neighbor: Rie.
First priority was to get my medication regulated:

I now get the following medication:
1. Sertralin Hexal.
That is the drug, that makes the signal between the braincells working.
I started on 50 mg. I'm currently on 75 mg, but working my way to 100 (I cant go to 100 mg in one day - I started on 50 mg and work up)
This drug is what people in general refer to as "happiness pills" but they don't work from one day to another.
The medication helps with the building of the signals in the brain, so that the messages between the brain cells is being send to the right places.
I have used this medication before, and I know it works. I have many years ago been on 400 mg a day - that is not good for me.
So we start with the base dose and work up - but I know the limit for me is 300 mg

2. Tolmin
(Mianserinhydrochlorid)
This is also an anti depressant drug, that helps the nr. 1 working.
The reason I started on it now - yesterday - is that for me, it has 2 side effects:
When I take it, I fall asleep 15-20 minutes after.
The second side effect is, that it makes me hungry!
I got it today, and I cant take it right now because of the first side effect, but my hope is, that when I start taking it, I will start eating again.

3. Apozepam
(Diazepam)
Well, that's the good stuff, that works in 15 minutes.
Its the stuff that keeps me from drinking/medicating myself.
On a normal day, where everything is fine, I don't need anything - but a hug from you. See your smile, you telling me how wonderful I am, having sex with you - that's my normal dose.
Well, I don't have that anymore.
I get apozepam regularly now, even though the doctor wont normally describe it.
Its a heavy drug.
I'm from 2 mg a day to 15 now. It is effective, but it is also addictive -that's why the docs don't give it normally.

4. Besides that, I take some nature medicine
It is quite expensive however.
On daily basis, where I need to be able to drive, I cant take the apozepam. Then I take "Valerina forte"
When I needed to sleep, I take "drogens strong baldrian with lemon balm"

With the apozepam and the tolmin, I think Ill quit the nature medicine.

The eating / vomiting:
Thats not easy. Its affected by ny wish not to live.
I got a prescription for some "drinks", that should be good for me.
Got it the same day - tastes like crap.

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