Depression and anxiety has me cornered

I've felt depression lurking this time, now its here, along with its "friend" anxiety. I have no idea of of how long this shitty disease is going to keep me in my own personal jail this time.

Even though I've been thru this several times before, it keep surprising me, how powerful this disease is.

I'll try to write it down In lots of detail this time, to be able to analyse on my thought later on.

Tiredness:
I dragged myself off the sofa, I just had to fed the dogs fast and let them out, then I could get back under the blanket.

I have a long to-do-list (my own, no pressure from others) and its laughing at me.
I can't even keep focus on a task, if something else pops up. I start a mess every where I go, I don't mean to, that just my memory. The result here of is, I can't find my tools, and I get angry/sad/upset.

I think I'll sleep  bit more. But I can't just lay on the sofa all day, while everyone else is working and doing their part.
I have my list, I'll select 3 do able tasks that I must get done, before noon.

Sad, alone, unworthy, giving up 

I got on my jacket and shoes to do the laundry.

I don't use the dryer, I hang the clothes to save energy.

Apparently someone had not been satisfied with my system. Half of the clothes had been taken down, and the basket next to it was still half full of wet clothes. MY wet clothes.

God, first I was sad, now I realise, I have to kick some ass, when someone is home. My state of mind tells me just to give the fuck up and let it be and get back to rest.

Anxiety/Scared/PTSS
Some people parked in our driveway.  It scared me a lot, since I didn't know, who was coming.
I immidiately grabbed my knife and my phone, ran around the other sides of the building - got pictures of 2 licence plates, around another corner, got the 3rd picture of the cars plates. I  send the pics to my bf, ran through the cellar upstairs to get my riffel. I really felt "now you are losing it, calm down" - but my body was acting on it's own. I sat with a loaded riffel (safety on) for a long time, before I calmed myself down.

Well bf called, but it all ended up with him telling me, how busy we are and especially him, and he also ha to take med to the hospital next week. So we somehow managed to start argue, and I just told him I thought we should stop right there.
The people from the real estate broker is calling all the time, but it's not my house!

I got pretty sad, I feel alone all the time, maybe I'm just not a likeable person... I'm mostly just in the way, people don't even answer me or they interrupt me, they wont miss me, if I was not here. Rather relieved.

I finally called my son to ask, if he can take me to the hospital instead.  Wonderful, he was able to fit that into his schedule, that was a relief. Now I don't have to bother anybody else.

I feel sad, my chest hurts, its difficult to breathe. I should go outside, but I just want to sleep and forget everything. I wish I could.