Drug abuse is no ones dream

I don't think anyone ever woke up with the decision to become an alcoholic or to abuse drugs.

On the other hand I actually wonder, how many of them suffers from mental illness (?)

What has happened to people, who find that the only solution to stay alive, is to do something so drastic. It's just a slow form of suicide. You must really be in pain to believe that this is the only thing, that helps.

I can totally relate to people who commits suicide, cause the pain inside is unbearable.

That doesn't mean, that I approve. 

What I mean is I understand, I can relate to both suicide and abuse.

Dear God, sometimes I have been hitting my legs or actually banged my head into the wall, just to make it hurt more, somewhere else.

The problem with drug/alcohol/pill abuse is, that you numb your feelings.
Most of us all have been there, haven't we. Been drinking too much to a party, cause you were hurting inside and try to fake your smile until the end.... Slammed or cut your body, to make the pain move to another place. Well, I have.

If it's a one time event, or happening from time to time, then I believe, you're okay - I am NOT a doctor.
If more or even on daily basis, your problem is not only the alcohol/drugs (or any other kind of escape, however this post is meant for abusive use of drugs and alcohol. 

The problem also lies in the fact, that your medication won't be effective.
Further more: if you want to work with your self to get better, you can't work numb. You have to feel it and train yourself to take control.

Someone told me, I had a problem with alcohol. I went to the doc. She had to write a letter to get me in contact with an abuse centre, otherwise I couldn't get in. 

When I arrived at the abuse centre, I had a personal meeting with a counsellor. 

After hours of talk, she wrote a statement to my doc. "I didn't have an alcohol problem. The doc had a problem,"  she wrote LOL.

Well she was the best doc I ever had, and she wanted the best for her patients, so to make sure I could get an appointment, she apparently had added, the she suspected I had an alcohol problem.

I didn't drink every day, O didn't drink every week, but I guess at least one weekend during a month. But that was mainly an effect of the doctors own actions. They had denied me to write a new prescription for relaxation medication.

Since I couldn't sleep, I would go out and drink with "friends" partying not to think too much, until I got tired enough to sleep. Let's just say, that it definitely NOT was the proudest moments that happened at that point in my life. 

When you wake up in the morning, you feel even worse than the day before. Depressingly scared as usual to go outside the door, no energy what so ever (depression hits) and probably with a nightmare of a hangover.

If it can make life bearable for you, I bet you already tried. When the party gets going, you're numb and fine, and this is like pushing pause on a DVD player.
Life goes by, while you are numb for a day.
Then the next morning you continue right where you left off. Nothing is better, and you are aware you have to fight, but just needed a break from the pain for half a day.
Done like that, I don't think there too much harm - again I'm NOT a doctor.

With all the problems in my stomach, I decided to cut off smoking, alcohol, coffee. The worst was actually the coffee!!! 

If anyone should be reading this and has already become addicted to drugs, I strongly suggest, you seek professional help,  just like I did.
You might be addicted, maybe not. If not, get hard drugs out of your life immidiately.  Make an appointment and listen to the professionals, this is not a solo-task.

I did, and it doesn't hurt at all. In fact I had a great time with my consultant! It turned out she was also a coach, so I liked talking with her. Sadly I couldn't keep her ofcourse, but that was at least one positive experience from a time of darkness.

May your God be with you and protect you, if you are in this situation - and please seek help.