Depressing rainy days with panic attacks

I know, it's the season changing, and it seems that I manage to "forget" that each year.

Everything is wet, cold, windy, rainy and grey, and it affects my mood big time.

SAD, seasonal effective disorder is normal in my country, and when you are depressed upf front, the season changes definately not help.

I've tried to get up, but doesn't really succeed. It's like I don't put my heart into fighting this right now. I wonder why.

I feel tired. Tired of fighting all the time to keep my head above water.

And now I have a period of panic attacks. Stomach cramps, an elephant sits on my breast, I can't breathe. I can't stay inside my body, I want out, but I can't. My skin is strange and every fiber in my body screams RUN, but where to(?)

I know I always say, that you can't force these things, and perhaps I need a bit more RnR, but at the same time I don't want this disease to take me prisoner.

But... the result is the same. I'm dressed, but other than feeding the animals, I have managed effectively to do absolutely nothing.

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Rest and Recreation

After all the stress around the house, I noticed, that my body has started to tell me, that something is off. Or maybe I have started to listen more!!!

No matter what, I have gone in RnR-mode, I rest a lot, I eat, and today I'll go thru my meds and check I've got everything on stock at home.

I'm not totally down - not at all. But I can't handle a lot of plans, I don't want to promise anything to anyone, I want to try to take it easy and just rest.

I'm filing the buttom of Maslow's pyramid og needs - sort of speak.

I'm primary resting, sleeping and walking in mature. I keep the house uncluttered, which is now a bit more easy, and I wash a load of clothes. Other than that, I just am.

Accepting my sickness, my weakness, was a challenge. But after that, it was a relief.
Now I live my life with the disease, which gives me much better results than stuffing pills in my mouth. Is a strength to know your weaknesses.
When you do, you can figure out how to work around it and how to live with it on daily basis.
Yes it requires sacrifices - but you gain so much more :)

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