Restlessness is a huge part of climbing back to life from the bottom of the hole of anxiety and depression.
Anxiety attacks also appears more often, and the struggle to get back up can seem endless.
Showing posts with label Panic Attacks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Panic Attacks. Show all posts
Climbing back to life from the buttom of anxiety and depression
Restlessness is a huge part of climbing back to life from the bottom of the hole of anxiety and depression.
Anxiety attacks also appears more often, and the struggle to get back up can seem endless.
Depressing rainy days with panic attacks
I know, it's the season changing, and it seems that I manage to "forget" that each year.
Everything is wet, cold, windy, rainy and grey, and it affects my mood big time.
SAD, seasonal effective disorder is normal in my country, and when you are depressed upf front, the season changes definately not help.I've tried to get up, but doesn't really succeed. It's like I don't put my heart into fighting this right now. I wonder why.
I feel tired. Tired of fighting all the time to keep my head above water.
And now I have a period of panic attacks. Stomach cramps, an elephant sits on my breast, I can't breathe. I can't stay inside my body, I want out, but I can't. My skin is strange and every fiber in my body screams RUN, but where to(?)
I know I always say, that you can't force these things, and perhaps I need a bit more RnR, but at the same time I don't want this disease to take me prisoner.
But... the result is the same. I'm dressed, but other than feeding the animals, I have managed effectively to do absolutely nothing.
I managed to pull thru
So time is going by, and I have lots to tell.
First off, the house... The others were stressing me out, especially my BF. Things that I asked for so many times, should suddenly be brought in order.
I'm happy the job is done, but a bit sad, since it was not considered important last year! Now we are selling, and it's finally a priority...
However when we went out for dinner that day, I took my anxiety medication, and they apparently noticed that.
After that, I think they realized at that moment, they were actually making me "nutz," they were the cause of my stress and frustration.
A nice talk over the dinner, I hated we had to go to, made a huge difference. Especially cause I felt, they were finally listening to me.
I can't handle deadlines and pressure. 8 years ago I could handle anything, then it started to slide. My memory went down slowly, everything started to go down hill. Lack of protein at first and now the PTSS diagnose.
I wish to be back as before. Nothing could touch me. But I guess being beat up, cheated and neglected by "friends" and feeling left totally alone - makes your self esteem suffer and you wonder, if you are actually good at anything.
Fortunately I have a great mentor, she send me this...
I only knew the first lines. I didn't even think about asking the last question "is it my problem, or theirs."
Quite a good question, isn't it(?)
Well, I lost my self esteem and I was overworked for too long, I got PTSS and can't handle stress right now.
So everyone took on the job and helped all awake hours on getting everything in order.
I was so tired, I fell asleep before dinner some nights. The others woke me up to "feed me", and I could get up and work a bit more.
Finally the photographer from the real estate agent came, and no matter what... You can always do a bit better, but the pictures got taken and finally we could relax.
It felt good. No, it felt great not to give up. We succeeded, despite all odds.
Chores and depression
Normally I would have played it safe and stayed put and relaxed, until this state passes. That's the best way to avoid deeper depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
But since the house is up for sale, we have to keep it clean always, and besides, I know we're going to get visitors to look at the house during this week, so I really don't have a choise. So I'm forcing myself to get up and get started, but so far my body does not obey.
Putting pressure on oneself is a bad choise, but I don't really see another way. I also want to move so I can't just lean back and wait for everybody else to take over. I'm not that kind of person, and guess what... That has brought me into the exact same situation before, and depression and anxiety answered right away.
Didn't I learn something? Absolutely, but I'm going to be more sick, before I let "the team" down.
Well, my safe spot is ready to in case I need it. I better get the vacuum and get started.
I'll do like the old days, write here along my way, using my diary as a crouch.
4 hours later:
I've almost finished the kitchen, but theres still a way to go. People have started to pack boxes, but left I the middle if the task.
I've been at my safe spot several times, but can't relax. My thoughts keeps going "I should do this, and I should do that..."
Well, better get started again, that's better than to lay around speculating about it.
The others came home an hour late, while I was cleaning windows. I thought that this would be the end for a while and we would team up afterwards.
However they are getting ready to go out for dinner. That's nice of them, but it doesn't help my stress.
I needed an evening in my safe spot with comfort food and a good movie. Now they're getting dressed up, and so should I, even though every fiber insides me is screaming to stay at home
Why can't I just relax(?)
I chose to take 5 mg diazepam, and finally my brain could function on normal level. It is a medication like valium, that calms you down, you can get addicted to this, so it's not recommended to take it regularly.
But geez, I really needed that.
I finally felt relaxed, able to follow a conversation, cause my brain wasn't thinking a thousand thoughts at the same time.
I consumed a good portion of dinner, and felt calm about the thought of cleaning house.
So we actually ended up having a nice evening, and perhaps I'm even able to fall asleep for once. I surely hope so.
Thank you for holding my hand today, I wish you all a good night.
Less stress - take a break!
I have tried to fight it, but I forgot a couple of things.
I'll explain more in a few, but this shows - once again - how important it is, that we do not force ourselves or forget to take care of ourselves and the disease on daily basis.
I have had some days, where I simply was eating and sleeping and fighting anxiety and panic attacks. I couldn't make myself do anything. So once again I had to bite the dust, and I stayed in bed for days.
I could easily have been there for a month, if Farmer had not interfered. But I was also determined to figure out, what made me stumble and fall.
Once again it's stress - caused by the move and the mood of others. Well, the last thing is definately better than ever, it must be the move then.
Do I really get knocked off so easily now(?) People move all the time, and they do it while working full time jobs. Hell, I have done that several times before!!!
But yes, it is the move, the disorder and mess everywhere, not being able to find anything - it frustrates me.
That's kind of a good thing to know. Then I can work on a solution to this problem.
It seemed to start after a day of selling a lot of stuff, that we don't want to take with us, when we move. There was a lot of preparations to take care of, and a lot of strangers to talk with.
I dunno... At some point I could just feel every fiber in my body screaming "get the hell away from her." But I forced myself to stay, after all, I don't leave the work to others.
Here it's my body telling me, that I need a break, but I don't listen. Also I could have thought about it and realised, that I might need a break once in a while, just to ease my mind. I didn't, but I for sure will remember to take that under consideration during daily basis.
Now I've set my watch to chime each hour to remind me to take a break. No cell phone action, no TV, nothing - just time to sit with a cup of tea for 5-10 minutes and ease my mind.
I'll try it out for while to see, if regular (forced) breaks is a way to lower the panic attacks and depressive thoughts.
Panic attacks on top of panic attacks
I found out, that my ex has moved.
Apparently he has been to jail, for violence, now he is out and has moved to another town.
Depression and Anxiety returns
From one second to another, my job consultant took away all my progress.
I was a bit exited before the meeting, cause now there might be a solution. Just the hope inside was enough to make me want to get out of bed, even when I was sick and feeling bad.
Now I see no point in getting up, and I haven't really done anything productive since the meeting.
Now I see no point in getting up, and I haven't really done anything productive since the meeting.
I can not breathe in clutter and dirt
I've had this feeling for quite some time: not being able to get enough oxygen.
It's a normal feeling during anxiety attacks, but I have never felt it constantly. But now I do, most of the time.
Merry Christmas with mixed feelings
I know, there's a Christmas break in my writing, but as everybody else, I have been very busy, a bit stressed and confused.Panic Attacks Summary
This page is build of keyword from "journal notes" and what I have experienced helps in the particular situation The details are discussed in several previous posts, this is meant as a fast overview.
If you think something is lacking, please write to me, and I'll add it to the list.
My own reactions on low blood sugar
Bring it to the test when ready! That's kind of what "the Farmer" started out to do.
Now I do the same, when I read or hear something, that might seem as a solution on one or reaccuring problems.
Blood sugar and emotions
I've read a story about a woman who was committed to the mental hospital for 3 years, until they finally discovered that she suffered from hypoglycemia, low bloodsugar.A day with mom at the hospital
I haven't been nervous at all. If I thought about that I was going, it was thoughts about regular stuff, practical things.
I had decided to take the train, since it stops right outside the hospital. The I'd avoid morning traffic and most import I would not have the stress of finding a parking spot.
Well I got the excitement from taking the train anyway.
So dressed in decent clothes (nothing flashy or overdressed) I'm now sitting in the train, rocking away to my destination.
I'm annoyed with blogger app, cause I can't make decent updates, unless I'm at a computer. Well, I'll have to live with that for now, and correct my published posts later on.
I find myself surprisingly calm. Maybe we have just experienced too much in the family, maybe all my shields are up...
Or maybe someone finally us watching over us to pretend us from more harm. I said something silly to my mom, like I know nothing bad is wrong. It's simply not possible, cause we can't take anymore BS right now.
Well, I'll soon get off the train, and I'm sure we'll have a lot of waiting time - we'll just have to see what happens.
If I need to unload, I'll write if possible.
It's strange, but I feel the presence of something. Maybe its just the very thought of you all, and the kind words you are so dear to send me, when it gets tough.
TTYL
How does it feel to have a panic attack?
A panic attack ofcourse feels slightly different depending on the persons you ask, but most symptoms and feelings are the same.
When I felt an anxiety attack the first time, I literally thought I was dying.
My heart was pounding so hard, I could hear the heart beat in my ears. My chest started to tighten more and more, like I had an elephant sitting on me. I gasped for breath, I was sure I was having a heart attack.
My heart was pounding so hard, I could hear the heart beat in my ears. My chest started to tighten more and more, like I had an elephant sitting on me. I gasped for breath, I was sure I was having a heart attack.
Dissociating / Diversion
I've thought about the difference between dissociation and diversion. It may seem a bit alike, but in fact it's two totally different subjects. I've made some notes from a lot of reading, cause I think it's important to know the difference.
Dissociation
- when the mind and body "splits into two"...
To be able to move focus from what's hurting, whether it's a psychological of physical pain. Some people can handle extreme pain by dissociation.
- when the mind and body "splits into two"...
To be able to move focus from what's hurting, whether it's a psychological of physical pain. Some people can handle extreme pain by dissociation.
I'm having some really bad days
I seem to be stuck at a platform between a deep hole of depression, anxiety and panic attacks, and the top where I feel fine.I can't get outta here, I'm stuck, but there's not much space, so either I manage to reach the top or I fall.
So for now I just let everything rest and stand still, and hope to get further up each day I wake up.
I know what's wrong. It's a nobrainer:
My committee of sleep is not working on anythin, they are apparently on strike.
Bad Sad Day
I would think that I should be used to get my ass kicked by my sickness, but sometimes...
I was at job recruitment today for a meeting, and to make a long story short, I probably have to face, that I'll never be able to hold a full time job.
I had senced that, I also have stated to make other plans as well - but that was more long time scaled plans. I need at least 10 years or more before I can even get my mind around the thought.
I had senced that, I also have stated to make other plans as well - but that was more long time scaled plans. I need at least 10 years or more before I can even get my mind around the thought.
But I was sitting there with my fiance, listening to what the Lady was telling me. To hear the words come out of her mouth, scared me big time. Even though I had the thought myself, it was just an idea for me. Not a direct plan.
However she could also offer sleeping classes. Sounds stupid? A bit maybe...
Diversion: Relax your mind with music
There's so many types of music, and just the same people like different styles.Personally I listen to almost all kinds of music, but always something that reflects my mood.
I chose however not to select sad music, but either something to relax me, or something to make me active.
I've tried all kinds of music labelled "sounds of nature".
For the fun of it, I want to give you a bit if a warning though; I woke up on night by the sounds of a frog cracking very loud! Pretty annoying at that moment, since I suffer so hard of insomnia, but also quite hilarious.So when choosing music like that, it can be a pretty darn good idea to listen to all of it before you lay down to sleep, cause...
For the fun of it, I want to give you a bit if a warning though; I woke up on night by the sounds of a frog cracking very loud! Pretty annoying at that moment, since I suffer so hard of insomnia, but also quite hilarious.So when choosing music like that, it can be a pretty darn good idea to listen to all of it before you lay down to sleep, cause...
Escape from reality
When hit by adrenalin, your body freeze for a split second. Sounds gets more intense, your vision sharpens and your whole body is in "red alert."
You can't run away from this no matter what, cause the fear us not from an outside attack, it's all inside you.
You can however TRY to escape in so many other different ways, I've personally tried several:
Gaming, create your own world, where you are in control
Medication, makes you chemically feel better until the effect wears off, but you can only get it in a limited time.
Drugs (medicine bought at the black market - or other drugs I don't really know), also used by many, a form of escape like the medication.
Gaming, create your own world, where you are in control
Medication, makes you chemically feel better until the effect wears off, but you can only get it in a limited time.
Drugs (medicine bought at the black market - or other drugs I don't really know), also used by many, a form of escape like the medication.
Living with anxiety 2 - safety
I treat all subjects in the 2nd line of Maslows Pyramid of Needs a bit the same, since they are so much alike. To feel safe, we need shelter from the weather and dangers. We need a "cave" to protect us from all outside influence of our wellbeing. We also need to feel the safety to be able to get help, if needed.
I think the main thing to focus on in regards to anxiety and depression is in short: "safety/security."
I tend to crawl into my safe spot. Here I have the upper hand, if I need to.
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