The purpose of life

I've been having a very bad period, where I've struggled to find a place for me in this world.

According to political decisions, I'm supposed to live with this salary for the rest of my life.
If that's the case, what do I see in the future(?)

My absolute favourite thing in the world is to travel. Not with any extravagance,  no water how. That's totally out of range.

I'm sleeping on a couch in a house share, struggling to make ends meet every month.
Living for 160 Euro a month, before dentist, clothes, hairdresser, gifts, medication, food and transportation.
Lovely - no thank you.
That kind of future is to me so dark, I can't see light anymore.

I've actually went so far in my thoughts, that I decided to build up a storage of the pills, that I know I need, to end this shit. Then I would be prepared for the next step, when I wanted to leave.

To make a long story short, my blog manager CC came for a visit. She sensed something was wrong and made me talk to the Farmer.
And the Farmer - well let's just say, you can't escape. I dunno what she contains, I don't know what she's build of, that woman. But you can't fool her, and she is a badass when it comes to kicking verbally ass, so let's just say, I was burned.
It is after all her method I'm using, so I better use it right.

She's actually been through situation almost similar to mine, it's weird we found each other.
The difference is, she is standing, and standing tall - I'm still trying to get my ass up from the floor. I guess it's a question of willpower, and she acts like - infact she is a true - Viking.

Clarise told me to notice, that there is a huge difference. Cause the Farmer is appreciated by the other people in the house and lives with her fiance. I live with other people too and has to feel appreciated, where I am.

I'm actually thinking about going away for a month to my mother. I'll get a break from the others, and I can help her simultaneously. It's ofcourse not a permanent solution, but that's an option for the moment. I'll consider that, cause I'm fed up with the looks from the others... Why didn't she cook/clean/do laundy/clean up... Well I don't, clean up after yourself. Help me clean the house, I'm not the only one who lives here.

But I feel so stressed out, that the fact apparently is, they only see me as a maid.

CC also mentioned, there's a lot of offers to buy the rights to the blog, there's options to make interviews, to advertise for doctors and medication etc etc, that would help me a bit. But she already knew my answer.
No, no, and no. 

I do NOT recommend any medications, I do NOT recommend any doctors, and I am for sure not letting anyone ghost write my blog, and pretend they are me. I'd rather starve to death.

If CC wants to make an informative post, she'll put her name on it. That's it.

But well, I am considering, what they told me, to go visit my mom and get some distance, and I'll see, what I figure out.

I feel strangled here, but right now I'm too tired to make any decisions.