I beg to get out of this depressive state

I feel so lost. I can't seem to find myself. 

The strong part of me, that actually defines me more than many other of my personal resources, is lost.

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A day with mom at the hospital

I haven't been nervous at all. If I thought about that I was going, it was thoughts about regular stuff, practical things.

I had decided to take the train, since it stops right outside the hospital. The I'd avoid morning traffic and most import I would not have the stress of finding a parking spot.
Well I got the excitement from taking the train anyway.

So dressed in decent clothes (nothing flashy or overdressed) I'm now sitting in the train, rocking away to my destination.
I'm annoyed with blogger app, cause I can't make decent updates, unless I'm at a computer. Well, I'll have to live with that for now, and correct my published posts later on.

I find myself surprisingly calm. Maybe we have just experienced too much in the family, maybe all my shields are up...
Or maybe someone finally us watching over us to pretend us from more harm. I said something silly to my mom, like I know nothing bad is wrong. It's simply not possible, cause we can't take anymore BS right now.

Well, I'll soon get off the train, and I'm sure we'll have a lot of waiting time - we'll just have to see what happens.
If I need to unload, I'll write if possible.
It's strange,  but I feel the presence of something. Maybe its just the very thought of you all, and the kind words you are so dear to send me, when it gets tough.

TTYL

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Does anybody's dreams ever come true?

Sometimes it seems like my dreams never will come true. I've lived so long trying to meet every expectation from my husband, then the children, and now... Nothing.
A psychiatrist once asked me... What do YOU want? What are YOUR interests?
I thought a long time about that, and I didn't know!

Now I wish to move though. But I start to wonder, if that will ever happen before I die.

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