Don't forget I'm sick even when I feel fine

- I wrote a blog post called "My way out of depression".
It might seem funny, that I don't seem to follow up on that, but in fact I do on daily basis, I just don't write particularly about that.

But I stumble my way back through from the deep black hole, trying to find my way to the light. I'm in the grey zone, and I stumble, I fall, I get hurt, I'm sad - but I also have successes, good days, with laughter and joy.

As written many times... 

The road up from the hole of depression, anxiety and darkness is not a straight line upwards. 

It seems like I spiral downwards again, with direct course for a total mental breakdown once again, with no hope in sight. Sometimes I get scared that I'll end up at the mental hospital once again. 

Ofcourse people around me knows and noticed this - it's totally impossible to fool Farmer. My friends at the CcTeam keeps a close eye on me, I know, so now I have a safety net.

This also means, that I'm able to do personal tests of what works for me, and I can push myself to the highest. There will always be one, who holds on to the rope in the other end.

They let me go "the line", push myself to the limit and sometimes a bit above that - but when they sence something's wrong, they wheel me back in.

I had a long conversation with my mentor, and after that she told me to take a step back and look at my own experiences and results. 

You are in the middle of the forest, and you can't find the damn tree! - Farmer said.

And when I looked at it like that, I suddenly noticed, that I slowly had "let myself go". I had totally "forgot" that I was sick, and "forgot" to take care of myself, during the latest positive periode.

I also think it was caused by the heat during the summer, I couldn't eat lunch. So little by little I apparently just stopped forcing myself to do, what I knew I should have done.

If we were going somewhere, I couldn't take my medication, cause then I have to pee all the time - so I stopped taking everything including vitamins and minerals. Wonderful - I should get an award winning prize for stupidity!

My sleep is totally fucked up, cause everyone around me during the vacation seemed to think, that they were the only ones who needed to sleep in late once in a while. They went to bed late (I therefore could not go to sleep) and the dogs woke me up each morning at 06.30 as usual.

All in all I had slowly messed up my whole foundation. I need to prioritize my health once again, and get order in the buttom of Maslow's pyramid of needs!

So, back to basics - and learn from past mistakes:

I can't forget I'm sick, I need to remember to take care of myself during good periods too - otherwise it'll bite me in the butt later on.