The brain seen like a mental equalizer

Reading descriptions of mental disorders and injuries, you often find some resemblance to yourself, no matter what disorder or injury, you find.

As a little thought experiment,  I've started to try to look at the brain as an equalizer, cause I've started the experiment  with the thought, that we all contain a bit of every disorder. 

In between the scale area of average, we actually and find the biggest part of people - let's just call them mentally healthy and fully functional during daily basis.

Compared to an equalizer, not all buttons are at same level, but in the normal area, and the music quality sounds ok.

Then we have the people, where some of the buttons are pushed either too high or too low.

Compared to music through an equalizer, some pieces of music is okay, and some has too high/low a bass, and sounds horrible.

Play the right music, the sound system won't notice, some buttons are outside of the normal area. Play the wrong music, and you'll start to ruin the speakers of the sound system.

Here we talk about people, who have special needs to function on daily basis. But if you give these people, what they need, they are able to work as well as a mentally healthy person.

(Medium depression or medium anxiety for instance)

At my final level, we find people, who is not able to function at all. They might be dangerous to themselves or others, or mentally tied to a bed or living indoors.

Here we ofcourse have an equalizer, that's totally out of range on many, if not all, levels. Music played through this soundsystem would ruin most of the system or even break down.

(Schizophrenia, Paranoia  Severe anxiety, severe depression, PTSD for instance)

In my experiment of thoughts, I just made 3 levels,  even though I find myself ind the middle of 2 and 3 (mostly 3 unfortunately.)

An educated therapist or psychiatrist would most likely not use the model at all, and definitely not use only 3 levels.

However this is absolutely not a detailed description, it's just to explain an idea.

Remember, this is just an experiment of thoughts, I don't know if it has been done before, I don't have any reference, its just yet another way to look at the brain.

However, what I find interesting in this theory: if you during training, exercises and therapy are able to pin point what triggers your personal equalizer, and makes you sing out of tune, then you are quite good going. Cause you have to know your enemy. Our brain is playing with us, and when we understand the rules of the game, it's possible to win.

Just a crazy thought on a boring day.

May your God's be with you :)

Photos by;

kalhh

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Depression and anxiety has me cornered

I've felt depression lurking this time, now its here, along with its "friend" anxiety. I have no idea of of how long this shitty disease is going to keep me in my own personal jail this time.

Even though I've been thru this several times before, it keep surprising me, how powerful this disease is.

I'll try to write it down In lots of detail this time, to be able to analyse on my thought later on.

Tiredness:
I dragged myself off the sofa, I just had to fed the dogs fast and let them out, then I could get back under the blanket.

I have a long to-do-list (my own, no pressure from others) and its laughing at me.
I can't even keep focus on a task, if something else pops up. I start a mess every where I go, I don't mean to, that just my memory. The result here of is, I can't find my tools, and I get angry/sad/upset.

I think I'll sleep  bit more. But I can't just lay on the sofa all day, while everyone else is working and doing their part.
I have my list, I'll select 3 do able tasks that I must get done, before noon.

Sad, alone, unworthy, giving up 

I got on my jacket and shoes to do the laundry.

I don't use the dryer, I hang the clothes to save energy.

Apparently someone had not been satisfied with my system. Half of the clothes had been taken down, and the basket next to it was still half full of wet clothes. MY wet clothes.

God, first I was sad, now I realise, I have to kick some ass, when someone is home. My state of mind tells me just to give the fuck up and let it be and get back to rest.

Anxiety/Scared/PTSS
Some people parked in our driveway.  It scared me a lot, since I didn't know, who was coming.
I immidiately grabbed my knife and my phone, ran around the other sides of the building - got pictures of 2 licence plates, around another corner, got the 3rd picture of the cars plates. I  send the pics to my bf, ran through the cellar upstairs to get my riffel. I really felt "now you are losing it, calm down" - but my body was acting on it's own. I sat with a loaded riffel (safety on) for a long time, before I calmed myself down.

Well bf called, but it all ended up with him telling me, how busy we are and especially him, and he also ha to take med to the hospital next week. So we somehow managed to start argue, and I just told him I thought we should stop right there.
The people from the real estate broker is calling all the time, but it's not my house!

I got pretty sad, I feel alone all the time, maybe I'm just not a likeable person... I'm mostly just in the way, people don't even answer me or they interrupt me, they wont miss me, if I was not here. Rather relieved.

I finally called my son to ask, if he can take me to the hospital instead.  Wonderful, he was able to fit that into his schedule, that was a relief. Now I don't have to bother anybody else.

I feel sad, my chest hurts, its difficult to breathe. I should go outside, but I just want to sleep and forget everything. I wish I could.

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Too smart to be mentally ill

"You sound to eloquent to be able to get a early retirement."
Huh?

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Arrival at the Mental Hospital

When you arrive at the Mental Hospital, it may look as the rest of the hospital OR it may be an old building. 

Try not to pay attention to the looks on the outside.

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Now we know it is cancer

I was tired, and the trains schedule didn't really fit my appointments.
Never the less I arrived at the Hospital early, which I was prepared for.

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Diversion: Relaxation Music in the Radio

Music has a huge effect on us, and I'll stay on the subject for today as well.
I'm back in a period of bad sleeping, not sleeping at all, and it makes me nuts.

So I grabbed my music list on YouTube, just to discover, that many of the tracks were taken down or had adds on them, disturbing the sleep, when it finally came to me.

Then I remembered internet radio stations, and thought I would give you some links to pages, where you can select amongst a huge number of radios. So my first thought was; why not just send you a link list(?) 

My daughter told me, that she in fact not could stream a radio channel, so I better put up players, to make it easy for everyone.

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Update 2018: Mental health, PTSD

Let's talk about the new diagnose - I have 2, mental and now fysical.

MENTAL:
Well, to try something "new",  I got yet a new diagnose.
PTSD.
My first reaction was "I'm not a soldier and have never experienced war."

But this doctor simply put THE diagnose that fits in 10 minutes.
Back from the hospital I read about it a lot, it fits perfect.
"Under severe stress for several years".

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