About distraction and relaxation methods

I experience, that I use the TV as a tool to relax so much, I infact never really watch anything.

The TV just has to run in the background, I think it gives me sort of a feeling that I'm not alone.

But it's also a sign, that I need to change the method. Otherwise I wont ever be able to "relax by the TV" again.
Or perhaps it's a sign, that the thoughts inside are too strong or too many to outnumber me, and my ability to focus on the movie is difficult to impossible.

Back when I was able to sleep, I was escaping into a dream world. It was sort of freeing. Now I can't sleep anymore either.
However I found this and I agree;

When you wake up, you're infact not happy by the dream experience, but rather sad, that real life is not equal to your wishes and dreams.

I guess people who use drugs, feel the same, when intoxication wears off. Not only do you wake up in the middle of the horrible world, you try to escape from - you also have a hangover (or whatever it is called when using this and that)

This is why I dont take any medications anymore. Only herbal tea!

You can't fake how horrible the world can be, but you can fake your feelings or cheat them for a while.
But that's it.

That's not good enough for me. 

And that's why I work so hard on how to live WITH the condition, instead of medicating myself. The world wont change over night, I might as well at least TRY to play the game.

For that to succeed, it has h

got to be on my terms. It takes time, and society do not have time as a resource. So they push and push, and you get more and more stressed.
You really want to burst into singing: "what a wonderful world!  - don't ya!