I am worth nothing to other people

I hate not to know, where I'm going. What am I supposed to do, while I await other people's decision about my future(?)

What I hate even more, is how people treat me because of my disease - even despite my disease. 

I'm apparently supposed to be their deck and call, if they are hungry, we need to eat now! 

I never sleep in late, because they do, and someone needs to take care of the dogs.

Last week there were 4 days off, I didn't get to sleep in late even once!

I have to say the consideration for my needs washed away a long time ago. 

Sometimes I in fact have to remind people, that I really don't feel okay, and I get awfully hurt, when spoken to like they do here.

I don't know if the lack of co consideration is lack of understanding. After all I don't look sick...

The doc want me to get disability, but the politicians and job consultants can 'cure' everybody. It's horrifying, what goes on in the country right now.

I feel helpless, like a little child who has not a vote in the matter, just awaiting the decisions of the adults.

I'm being talked to like they please to do, with no thoughts for me as a person. I get yelled at, just because I was there - not because anything is my fault.

It's like I don't have a position in the world, I'm not only nothing. I'm the dirt anyone is allowed to step on.

Guess what?
Think again - they haven't been to hell and back. I have, and I have been chewed up down there, and even then I managed to find a way back to life.

And I'm not only on the way to fight, I am fighting now. And I don't put up with bullsshit.

Hurt me now - and I promise you I will return the pain with interest.

I don't know... I should get on the train and leave a situation like this and never return. But somehow I find it very educational and interesting to see, how everything evolves. So don't feel sorry for me, I'll leave if I can't handle it.

But for the first time in my life, I have the front seat to watch, how mentally I'll people gets treated by friends, family, health care system etc. And for some reason I don't get up and leave, its actually kind of interesting to notice what goes on.
So I'm having kind of an adventure first hand here, which hurts quite a deal, but is too educational to give up.

I'll let you know, when I explode in anger - I bet you'll all hear it!