European Election

Everybody all over the country is going nuts, when election is up.
Politicians claim and promise a lot, they don't intend to keep.

I especially remember one woman who said, that the sick, the poor and the old people here, could just save up their money! From what?
Some don't even have to the end of the month. Some has the choise to eat or take their medication. God, if you get sick at 18 and can't work, you'll spend the rest of your life living without anything. With no future ahead. Cause if you own anything, you can't get any help. What a dream to look forward to.

But this particular politician is now running around doing publicity stunts to show "how much she care."
It makes me sick.
So after we loose everything, we could just "save our money". Well, perhaps she'll visit me then.

It's hard for families. They do not only have to worry about sickness, hospital visits etc. They have to move to sell their house, worry how to get the next bill paid...
Not only do you get very little help. The little help you get, will be cut even smaller, than normal, because your wife's or girlfriends salary is as high as a uneducated worker.

Theres not enough money to take care of people, that is already here in the country.
Why do the government chose to bring in more? They get paid for it ofcourse, but our country and welfare suffers because of it.
Not just the sick people, also teachers, daycare workers, old people, hospitals, doctors, nurses....
And the government simultaneously can't figure out, why the crime rate is getting constantly higher!

There's a lot of stuff going on, that's not right here. But I chose NOT to listen to them during the time before election.
Everyone knows a politician lies.
But they seem to have their mind set on winning the Olympics in not speaking truthfully these days, so I chose to be deaf to them.

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The weather is weird and does not help

One moment the sun is shining, and we are able to be outside just wearing a T-shirt. 5 minutes later the clouds arrive with darkness, wind, rain and hail!

When the animals and I dare to stick our heads out of the door, you can be sure we'll be coming back running, fleeing from a hail storm, trying to hold the door open for everyone, before it gets catched by the wind - and the we try to get reheated!

I should be sowing peas, lettuce, carrots, beans and all that stuff, but we never get so far into the kitchen garden. Otherwise I feel inspired to enjoy the summer at least a bit that way, when there's no one else to talk to anyway.

But this shifting weather is really uncomfortable. Or otherwise you'll soon get uncomfortable, theres no way to dress properly for the weather, when it changes so much in such a short time.

To avoid the stress I felt another day, when my plants and the animals blankets and toys, my plastic trays for planting etc was flying all over the place - we spend most time inside.
That triggers the depressive state very much, since spending all my time inside reflects what I do, when I am in a depressed state of mind. So it's kind of a hard job to stay out of depression right now. It requires a lot of positive thinking, which I have very hard to find these days.

At some point the weather must make a decision :-)

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Drug abuse is no ones dream

I don't think anyone ever woke up with the decision to become an alcoholic or to abuse drugs.

On the other hand I actually wonder, how many of them suffers from mental illness (?)

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I am in the place the eye not see

I haven't felt like writing, cause I feel, I have nothing to give anymore.

Apparently people think its allowed to talk to me in any way that pleases them.

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I can not find peace

The meeting with the job consultant went fine, but I have been restless a long time leading up to that meeting.

They are going for mental disabiligty, since they don't feel sure that I can handle more pressure as a human beeing.


I'm fine with that, it'll give me more room to relax and get better.

But no matter what, I need some sort of extra income, bit I don't know where this is going to come from.

I have been on/off for several weeks now, trying to get up from the dark hole, but some days I simply can't find a reason to do so.

How am I supposed to create a second income here(?) I guess I'll have to move first.

The house is up for sale, but nobody knows, when it's going to be sold.
Again an uncertain future.

I can't handle that, not being able to plan anything.
The rest has this and that demand to the house. One wants his own room, besides the bedroom etc etc, and we'll, that is not possible.  So do you want to move or not?
Putting up impossible demands for a new place is not going to make me change my mind.
I'm not staying here.

So I'm restless, I pace around. I do a little here and there, with no actual result anywhere.
I'm so tired of this wandering about, I could scream.

My thoughts are killing me. I'm bombed by thoughts in my mind, like they all explode in the same time and want to be heard at once.
I can't event sort it out from each other.

I'm scared for the first time in a long time. I'm scared to end my life here ind the God forsaken place, without reaching the water, that I have been longing to get back to since I moved away as a teenager.
My whole life has been shaped by others wishes. I think it's about time, that my wished come a bit true also, before its too late.

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I feel very restless

- the talk with the job consultant is tomorrow. Last time I walked out on them because of false accusations.

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Schedule Yeah Right

I apparently get easily distracted, when I'm trying to work out of the depressive state.

I had plans, but I used my time for other stuff. 

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