Who can you really count on?

I often get emails from you guys out there, who feels totally alone and abandoned.

How do you move on, when you feel neglected, overlooked or even ignored?

When people only invite you, because of obligation, but rather would talk about you behind your back?

How do you handle it, when you figure out, that the friends, you thought were trustworthy and would be there for you- is everything but!

And this part is a "job" you will have to go thru at some point. And it will also be the worst part of your life, cause you will have to handle all theese feelings alone, with noone to trust and with little to no self esteem. Is it possible to survive this(?)

Theese are very good questions, since I believe the main part of us unfortunately will experience this at some point.

The answer is almost naturally. You can do it, I did, the farmer did it before me, and I guess since you're reading this, you are also in sort of the same place. But I'm not going to lie, it's far from easy, and it will hurt a great deal.

I have left behind all my sisters and brothers by my parents later marriages. Not one of them has send me one nice word during all my surgery. Not one phone call, nothing!

I've left behind a bunch of friends, who seemed to enjoy the ability to tell others (lies) about me, rather than my actual company.

I've abandoned some colleagues, who despite of my decade of work at the same place, decided to believe bad rumours about me, instead of asking me directly OR even better, decide not to listen, when it's so far out from what I stand for and believe in.

I've abandoned my late husbands family, they were never really interested in seeing any of us, we were just an obligation.

So what I did have as personal resources was;
- my children never left my side
- my girlfriend, who's like a younger sister to me
- my friends, a couple who lived in a town 3 hours away
- a new guy I barely met
- my mom (came a bit later, she didn't really believe in my coisr to get off meds at first)
I also have my dad, but he has had a blood clock in the brain, so even though I know, I could count on him, he is not well enough to do it anymore.

That's it!

2 children and 2 old parents. A little young girl, a strong couple far away, and a new friend - so he turned out to be.

A decision was made... I couldn't handle the stairs in the couple's apartment, and at the new friends house there were other people to look after me too.
So I chose to go there, also cause it was the closest to the children.

The first 3-6 months, noone knew where I lived. Not even my mom or my children. It was as a precaution, to protect me from my ex.
They all knew I was okay, they knew how I lived, but not where in the country.
I told them, that I could be at their places within maximum half an hour - 15 minutes if traffic would be "nice" one day!
Then they were totally okay with it.

This day I have no idea of what made me feel secure enough to get out here. I didn't really know the guy, but he was a friend of a lot of my other friends. After all, how much more shit was going to rain over me(?) If more, then let it rain, let it hail violently, and let's finish the game.

It was such a confusing period, cause I also had
- a house, but no where to live
- a lot of furniture, but nowhere to put it
- a wish to move and start over, but not knowing where to go

That's when I thought about the idea of a camping wagon, I could move at any time. But nah, that not really secure enough, I was very scared at the time, and I preferred a huge big thick brick wall protecting me from society and my ex especially.

So I was suddenly a new place, with one new friend, who really was able to make me laugh. And laughing, I couldn't remember, when I did that the last time back then, it felt so reliving, made me feel so free.

In the beginning I talked a lot with my 3 friends (the girl and the couple), when the others went to work.
But now everything has fortunately settled down and turned into a bit more normal situation.

It was hard, but at the same time a freeing feeling.

I know exactly, who I can count on. And I know exactly, who is not trustworthy.
I'm sad to see, theres so few people in general, who can pass this "test" - but look at it this way...
Other than the little part of my family left, it turned out I have only 4 true friends out there, whom I can count on 100%.

If you think like that, you lose.

What you need to think is, that you know for sure, that you have 4 friends whom you can count on 100%.

4! That's actually not bad when you think about the depth of the situation. Not many would dare to do it - I have to remember to mention that too.

Yes it's sad and hard to see family throw you away, but hey. Isn't it freeing(?)
Let's get the truth on the table, I'm not scared to go first. But no reason to fo it now, I know what you chose to believe about me - despite of what I have shown you for all the years I have lived. You decide to trust a lie, without even consulting me!
A loss of that kind of "friend" should not be mourned, it should be celebrated.

To your question, this was a bit about the emotional feelings, I had. There's a lot of  practical stuff too, which I'll take up at a later point, when I feel inspired to write about this.

Until then, take care, you are not alone :-)