Or does it?
Since my boyfriend seemed to prefer to seek sexual satisfaction with his toys and porn over me, I was really down.
It felt like a punch in the face would have hurt much less, however equally a dealbreaker.
It most certainly affected my self-esteem and my awareness of how skinny I am.
I question, if my body would turn on anyone at all.
My ability to get sexual satisfaction is almost totally gone.
I feel old, unattractive and ugly.
And most of all, I feel very much alone, cause I can't trust that one person, I trusted the most.
However this is unfortunately something many women go thru - not that it makes everything allright.
Nevertheless somewhere in the world, theres women going through the excact same thing.
And I bet, that it hurts everyone of us equally, no matter what diagnose we have, if any.
And the side effects of our boyfriends actions; our hurt feelings, is somewhat alike.
And I feelt down, like my inside was turned out. My heart is still broken and I feel like I'm 15 years older, than when we met each other.
This was the one, that blew me off track this time, but remember; with anxiety and depression in my backpack, my boat was perhaps more easy to rock.
There's no pill against these feelings. There's no easy fix.
As many other episodes in my life, this happened to me, not because of me. No matter what, this was HIS choice.
And that's the whole point.
Depression makes bad thoughts come more easily, but it's caused by something in this case.
I guess I have yet a lesson to learn:
I have to be careful and try hard NOT to sink into depression each time, I get hurt by a man. Otherwise it seems like I could be hurt the rest of my life.
AND;
Many of our problems, is precisely the same, as other couples problems. And they go thru those problems without sinking into depression.
It must be possible for me to do that as well.
So... this will be my personal fight on the inside for some time from now. To remember, that every bump on the road is not caused by my mental issues. Some of them is actually quite 'normal.'
Thank you for listening.
Title photo;
Quotes etc from my friends, who writes at;
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