Depressing rainy days with panic attacks

I know, it's the season changing, and it seems that I manage to "forget" that each year.

Everything is wet, cold, windy, rainy and grey, and it affects my mood big time.

SAD, seasonal effective disorder is normal in my country, and when you are depressed upf front, the season changes definately not help.

I've tried to get up, but doesn't really succeed. It's like I don't put my heart into fighting this right now. I wonder why.

I feel tired. Tired of fighting all the time to keep my head above water.

And now I have a period of panic attacks. Stomach cramps, an elephant sits on my breast, I can't breathe. I can't stay inside my body, I want out, but I can't. My skin is strange and every fiber in my body screams RUN, but where to(?)

I know I always say, that you can't force these things, and perhaps I need a bit more RnR, but at the same time I don't want this disease to take me prisoner.

But... the result is the same. I'm dressed, but other than feeding the animals, I have managed effectively to do absolutely nothing.