I am ready to start schedule a bit

I really feel down because of the insurance money. I feel I just live day by day with no hope for a change to the better in my situation.

But I refuse to give in.

Todday I dragged - litteraly - myself out of the bed. Nothing fun there anyway.

I fed the animals and tried hard to find something to cling on to, some kind of hope, that'll make me want to continue.
I didn't find any.

But I got a deal to sell 20 strawberry plants, that gives me approximately 12 Euro, at least that's something.
Let's not kid ourselves, it's next to "nothing", it'll buy me 2 cheap meals in my country, so I don't think I stroke gold.
But what it did, was to give me something, that I had to do, without being out in public. 

I packed the plants, put it I certain spot, and the buyer could pick it up without me having to get in contact with him.

And to feel more safe, I just told him, that I might not hear him, cause I would be at the shooting range.

That was actually a positive experience. It worked. I was able to make a deal and be in sort of contact with a stranger.

I'll try something else next time, and when I feel up to it, I'll challenge myself to meet them and make small talk.

I'm still working on holding on to the progress. I'm so far now, that I'm able to make sort of a schedule for myself.

Since I have trouble sleeping, I sleep as long as I can. Until 0630 or 0700 normally.

I have to start slow, or this will kick my ass later on. So after the animals has eaten, I let them our.
I brush my teeth and fix my hair, but don't shower. 

Then I go to the garden. Sometimes to do a little weed removal or move a plant. I'll try to grow some vegetables, so we hopefully can save some money on food.

At noon we have "siesta." That fits my work the best. When I can take a long break in the middle of the day, I'm able to work more hours in total.

So I have lunch and rest for 2 hours.

The I go back to the garden.

Tomorrow I'll add laundry to my to do list. And little by little I'll take back my life from anxiety and depression.

It a bit like a chess game. 

If a strategy doesn't work out, you have to find another way. The game will continue, don't stop fighting. Looking a battle doesn't mean you've lost the war. 

If I fail and stumble in my planning / schedule, then it's;
Retreat
Regroup
Return
Revenge