It has been a fight just to get out of bed

It always comes as a surprise to me, how hard it is to fight depression. Even though I've done it many times, I'm always a bit shocked how hard it is, when it really strikes.

I guess it's a bit like giving birth. You suffer thru it, and then you forget all about it. Until next time.

I'm so tired from fighting, I just want to rip off my head and prevent my head from messing up my energy and emotions.

I really had to fight this time. To eat, to sleep, to brush my teeth, even to breathe...

All I wished to do was disappear into a world of distraction, good movies and TV-shows, and sleep.

So I'm sorry for not writing much. Sometimes I don't even want to talk in the phone, even the thought of the question "how are you?" - gives me the chills.

I've been out with the dogs a little, also woth my BF, but didn't really enjoy it. Actually nothing really feels joyful.

And I feel a bit ashamed. I have food in my stomach, a roof over my head and clothes to keep warm. So why feel like this? I should be happy, but I'm not.

So what have I been doing? 

As little as possible. 

Fighting just to stay alive and find a reason to be here. 

At least I got my pills packed today, I also took them all day - even that is progress.