I am drowning in financial uncertainty

You can't buy happiness. 

Absolutely true.

And I remember, that I was not more happy like that, when I had my work - but there was certainly some problems, that didn't drive me crazy back then, as they do now.

Now I have the same problems as back then, AND I have problems getting by financially. 

I have managed yet, but now there's absolutely nothing left for any emergencies. So any extra expense is out of the question.

And now I've ruined my phone! 

I accidentally dropped it, cause I had to help someone else, and simply didn't have enough hands. I'm not an octopus!

I remember all the used phones, I have gladly given away, when someone needed it, thinking "if it was me, they would help me too."
Baaaah.

None of them - not ONE - have paid me their loans back. Not given me anything, I needed. Didn't even help me, when I was sick (but took my money and left me without food for 4 days).
So don't count on anyone, not even family.

Sorry, I get so frustrated thinking about it, I get side tracked. 

The point is, that my phone is my lifeline. 

When I think about something, I can always write it down, which helps my lack of memory caused by PTSD.
When I feel bad, I can call for help, and that's quite necessary if I fall while I'm alone.

And also otherwise I'm in a bit of a jam now. 

I use my phone for writing everything on this blog, then I edit the last on a computer (or have my friend to do it). It feels more like writing to my best friend like this, sitting behind a screen is still difficult for me. Besides this is meant to be from the heart, and if I write at my office desk, it feels like work 

But since it's not an option, I'll try to work a plan to continue to be able to write.

The absolute worst is, that the children and my mom can't reach me. Blog or not, how important it is to me to write, the more important it is to be sure, they are okay.

I can't help them with school expenses and now they can't even call me. Do you have to ask to know, that I feel like a failure?

Geez, why the F can't I ever get to the surface(?) Each time I get my head above water and have a grasp of air, the next wave throws me back under. F F F what a life!!!