Going to the hospital with mom - again

"Are you going with me to the hospital?"

Sigh, now they can use me.

Last year at Christmas there was one excuse, but at New Years Eve she would come. And she did.

Then of course she cancelled at Christmas again this year, but wanted to come at New Years Eve. 

And then she cancelled New Years Eve. 

Wonderful.

I don't know why I keep going, but I do. I really want to say, you know what...
Ask the more important people... 

But I don't want her to feel as alone, as I have felt thru many months if my disease.

So... I'll be travelling tonight, at 0300 to go there. I better swallow my tea in a hurry and try to fall asleep (Geez, like that's going to happen!)

Do I ever stop being such an idiot?
I'm quite sure, that when it comes to my mom, I'll continue as long as she lives. I'm scared not to be there, if something happens.
Then I'd rather let her step on me, than feeling like a bad person for the rest of my life.
After all, my own consciousness and my inner self is a far bigger threat for me. Cause nobody can make me feel as bad.... as I can myself!!!!