Finding motivation...

When depressed or having a period of bad days, it's almost impossible to find the motivation and energy to deep clean the house - or clean I any way for that matter.

Everyone knows you'll feel much better afterwards, blah..  That doesn't really help me right now.

Maybe you need the rest and should not force yourself. It's not like your life depends on it.

But when you find a spark of energy, just try to do a little during tv-commercials. Sort the stuff in the room for instance, and when you leave for the kitchen, you bring all kitchen stuff with you. Then stuff for your own room, the library, the office...
When the commercial is over, you get back to relax.

Each time you go to the kitchen, bathroom etc., you find one or a handful of things to put back in its right place, before you move.

I started that today, and I actually ended up a little bit inspired to continue. I divided and replanted some house plants in the spirit of "the farmer." Maybe I'll even be able to sell them an earn a bit of money for my medication (which took above 100 Euro of my money, so I don't have much left for food this month.)

If you suddenly find yourself filled with energy, pump up the volume on the stereo and let's get to it!

And if you have stuff cluttering up, sell it or throw it away. Anything else is just noise.

I have a bed, that I could sell, but fact is, that people give this kind of stuff away for free. But plants however, many people sell plants, so maybe I'll try that, if I can get enough baby plants collected in the house.

I know this is not a way of living, and it's most certainly not my dream of life. But I see no other options. I can borrow money, and then what(?) 

That will just make me more poor.

Since I can't handle job right now, and since my sick leave is so low, that I in fact have to chose to do without medication OR food for a month, I chose medication and whatever food I can make cheap.

God, when I think about people and their statements I sometimes get SO angry.
"I didn't love my children" - Jesus, you really want to show up at work after a statement like that, don't you(?)
Or when my daughter lived another place, I bought her 2 jackets, cause the caretaker gave her nothing. The jackets "disappeared." I gave money for a laptop, but never saw any documentation of the price....

I lend people money to help them, but they cheated me and left me with nothing. No food for 4 days.

If those people out there think, that it is long forgotten, I can assure you, that it is not and never ever will be. And...

I have already been to hell and back, now it's your turn, I'll give you a one way ticket, figure out the rest.
Cause you kicked me, when I was down. But you were not smart enough to make sure, I wouldn't get back up.
Guess what - I'm up!