At the Hospital with mom

I haven't been at a computer for several days. Mom and I have been to the Hospital for her cancer surgery.

She was so confused, didn't really listen. 

Wanted to know when we were driving on the minute, even though we went to my daughter's place to sleep, the day before.

I slept like shit that night. Strange place, strange sounds... So I took a sleeping pill to be sure, which I haven't done for months.

We were both trashed, when we arrived at the Hospital at 7 am.
They were building everywhere, as you may notice in the picture. People were running around trying to find stuff, it all seemed very loud and noisy, totally chaotic and disorganized. And I felt my anxiety-o-meter rise to a high level in a very short time. And I was wondering, what I could do, if both me and mom had anxiety at the sane time. That would definately be a problem.

When we finally got a room, mom got dressed in hospitsl clothes, and got into the bed.
They started by running blood tests, and we were waiting. 

Mom sleeping in her bed, she has hearing aid, so it's easy to cut out sounds.
I was going insane.
We waited and waited and... On the other side of the wall, the handymen were working. Drilling holes in the wall. It made me think of the sound at the dentist!
I was about to loose it...
My hands were wet from sweat, and slippery when I was trying to find my headset to get some music in my ears before I lost my mind. Success, now a little disassociation to a beach, and then...

The doc came.
"And what's up with you", he asked us. Wow was that embarrassing.
I had fallen asleep, probably with open mouth, snorting, on a chair besides mom!
Effective disassociation this time, I'd say!!!

The results were back from the lab. Her blood contained signs of infection, so surgery was cancelled.
We had to wait for some papers, so I went to the kitchen to ask for some food for mom, since she had not been allowed to eat or drink since the night before.
I felt like the legs disapeared under me. I haven't had anything yet myself.

I told mom I simply had to go get something to eat. She was almost done and insisted that I didn't wait, but went to the bistro myself, then she would follow along.

Okay then...
I went thru all the halls and I started shaking from lack of sugar while the elevator reached the first floor.
Stumbled through the long halls and found a place to sit in the Bistro while my mom got finished. I didn't dare to go to the counter myself.

I don't know what happened. Suddenly a lady was shaking my shoulders asking if I was okay. I tried to calm her and told her, that I was just very tired and needed something to eat. She gave me a couple of bonbons and bought me a chocolate milk to bring my sugar level up. I'm so grateful to have met such a wonderful person.

So now we have to wait. Again. But this time it's different. It's not just annoying, but I can't help to speculate on the fact, that cancer should be removed as soon as you discover it. 

I hope and pray that I can be at better assistance, than this time. That was embarrassing, but mom said it was fine. She didn't feel it the same way, as I apparently do.
I would like to be rested and on top of the situation, as I'm used to be. But we'll, I'm perhaps no longer that person - OR - maybe I'm not back to being that person YET.

With a little hard work, and perhaps I should really focus on the sleeping for a while, then hopefully I'll be a better assistant next time. But next surgery is soon, as it should be, so it's quite a ambitious goal: "I want to learn to sleep well and be rested" before next time. 

Especially since I haven't had any real success with that for 15 years!!!