I'm so scared, what if I panic, what do I do?

When we try to live with our anxiety, we will, no matter what, come face to face with our fear and the risk of having panic attacks.

Do you wanna run, or do you wanna fight?

I personally have to decide this for each and everything I do, because no day is like yesterday. What I did yesterday, I might not be able to do today. It depends on so many factors, but the important is to feel thoroughly, what you think is a realistic goal to set for the day:

Can I handle it?

Can I take up the fight today, without risking to end up at the buttom? 

How do I feel deep inside?

'

When I decide to fight, I'm prepared:

My safe spot is set up to receive me, when I return. I tend to get cold very fast, so it's always almost like an island build of pillows and blankets.

Wood for the fireplace is ready to light up, candles is set up in safe candlesticks (I use those, when I'm down, in case I should be lucky enough to fall asleep)

My food stock is filled up, I even prepare a pot of tea and set out the honey in my safe zone, before I leave the house.

I have panic medication, I set out. I rarely resort to take it, I just have it in case all Hell breaks loose, which makes me feel more safe.

My breathing tools and weights for breathing exercise is laid out.

I also bring a breathing tool in my bag, when I go outside. (Also a plastic bag in case I throw up, water and some mints) I dress incognito, when shopping alone. Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is also some if the stuff I have "fun" with. So cap, sunglasses and big scarf. Normally I also bring the dogs, but if it is, what I call "shop and run", I go alone. 

Normally I like to have the dogs with me, cause people focus their attention on them. But after we got the puppy, it seems more like a magnet for non important small talk. SO, suffering from SAD I think there's more important stuff ahead, than just small talk.... I don't know, just writing makes me wonder... Well get back to that another day... Now we "shop and run".

I feel safe in my car, so there's no problem as long as it's a short trip. So out if the car into the store...

I have a "defense" position I go into, when it all gets overwhelming, and the world starts to spin. I sit squat/down not to fall, and cover my Face and ears with arms and hands. Close my eyes and if it's really bad, I start to sing or pray inside to calm me down.
When my heart stops racing, and my breath is getting normal, I start to look up a bit, still sitting. When I feel calm in the situation, I stand up and continue my task.

Sometimes I shop with no problems at all. I arrive home and do tasks the rest of the day.

It also happens, that panic gets the upper hand, and I leave the store almost running out of there, screaming inside.

An then again there's times, where I turn the car around and hurry home without making it to the shop.

It's hard to say exactly what goes right and what goes wrong in the different scenarios. Lack of sleep and stress from whatever has definitely a big influence.

I think I'll try to get out there more, like my friend at goselfsufficient.blogspot.com 

She is very inspiring and been thru a lot too. She's really in love with nature and its wonders. She keeps telling me that gardening has a positive effect on her. Something about the wonder of nature, and if you look for proof of God, you'll find it in natures wonders. 

So I need to practice to get out there, and for now it's my plan to follow her a bit. At least try to see, whatever she sees in the forest, that I can't seem to find...