I can not breathe in clutter and dirt

I've had this feeling for quite some time: not being able to get enough oxygen.

It's a normal feeling during anxiety attacks, but I have never felt it constantly. But now I do, most of the time.

The surface of the lungs should be so large, it's able to cover several football lanes, but when I breathe in, it's like breathing into a balloon. 

The surface of a balloon only covers the inside of the balloon, not several fields. I'm not getting enough oxygen, I feel like I'm suffocating.
And yet I'm still alive though I've felt like that since December.

At first, I thought it was a "build up" to a panic attack. But the release never arrived. Like you are about to sneeze, but it doesn't happen.
So this elephant sits on my chest and refuses to move.

I think, I finally figured out, what causes this.
I've lived here for several years. My boxes is still at the attic. I have the smallest room in the house, which I never use for other than my children. It's upstairs, and I need to sleep close to a bathroom to be able to get thru the night because of my water retension. So there's not much privacy.

I don't want to live like this.

If only there wasn't a big mess every where, and you were able to find your stuff, then...
But it IS a big mess. Everything. If you want to do a task, you need to find the tools first.
Imagine the noise inside your head, when you live in an environment like that.

Also I have cleaned the house totally when I moved in. Once again a total clean after surgery, and now I clean daily.
And I get annoyed - no - not annoyed... 

I actually get kind of sad, that they apparently do not respect anything I do at all. 2 hours after cleaning the kitchen I can be totally sure, there's junk and stuff someone has left on any horizontal surface in the kitchen.

The same goes in the small bathroom. I hate they smoke in there. Do you REALLY need to smoke and shit at the same time?
But no matter what, they do smoke in there. So what is supposed to be a sanctuary place, clean, orderly and nice smelling - has transformed into ashes on the floor, tobacco in the zink, and towels that smells like an old bar.

And I don't know, how to get out of this without a job. I have a meeting on Friday with an advisor, who's gonna help me figure out, if I'm ready to work. If so, I need to get one, but that's just a bump on the road. I have an obscene amount of visitors on my LinkedIn profile.
But what if I'm not?
Then there's only this shitty life to return to.

So please send me some hope and good wishes in spirit, I could most certainly need some good news from the adviser, especially right now.
Thanks All.