I try to keep focus on the fact, that I'm sick, as my Psychologist told me. I try to keep my ambition level to a minimum, wash clothes, do shopping, make dinner. Keep the family going, and not have any other ambitions than that.
Other than that, it still hunts me, that I could be treated like that, from a man that I loved SO much. And still get treated like a shit - nothing - it's like I never excisted!
I continued my research, and I found this:
You probably feel like you have been through an emotional meat-grinder, like your soul is just raw and bleeding hamburger. (This is not said in humor since one victim described how she felt exactly that way!)
You met someone who was charming, talented and eloquent who most likely made you feel like a million bucks. And then, suddenly, at some point (usually beginning at the first moment you disagreed with him or her), you were made to feel like week-old garbage.
Hoping to restore the purity of that paradise you thought you were living in, you try everything you can think of to make it work, including closing your eyes and mind to the often vicious behavior of that person who is no longer the person you knew. You just want the original person back; you believe that he or she is there, buried inside, behind some wall of hurt that only you can heal. You may even see this original person from time to time, when you’ve had just enough to push you away for good – for just long enough to get you to stay and try again.
Little by little, you have to admit to yourself that what you are experiencing cannot be explained away by someone who is acting out of hurt; that what you are experiencing is just pure evil.
Charming, seductive and eloquent they are, and they use all those abilities when lying, manipulating and betraying. Psychopaths and narcissists can slash a path of human misery through lives of dozens, or hundreds, and even thousands, of people.
They bring pain and suffering to nearly everyone they touch.
( http://friedgreentomatoes.org/ )
Well, that helps the understanding - I hope to find the "healing" somewhere in all this research.
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