I Feel I'm At The Finish Line

My healt is, as I previous told you, not in very good condition. After my mental breakdown, I lost a lot of weight, and even though I have gained some of it back, I seem to attract all the bad stuff out there.
Last night I was running a fever 40,2. When I get fever like that, I have the weirdest dreams and my brain simply crashes. I remember looking at my fingers at seeing them as skeleton bones. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, thinking that I could wash off the bones!!!!
I forget, that I have turned on the water, so it was just running, until my boy closed it.
I get the weirdest dreams, and wake up bathing in sweat totally confused. I don't know, if the dream was real or not. First something about my ex boyfriend still being here in the house, and when I woke up, I couldn't find him. The something about me traveling to his current location dressed up as a soldier, armed and "dangerous" to threaten him to give me my pictures and files... Geez.

I'm of course vomiting again, and I can't hold anything down. So I guess my weight is climbing down again!
I feel worthless. I should take care of my children, but I can't right now. Even the very thought of food makes my stomach twist and turn. Fortunately they are big enough to make themselves lunch etc., but the thought of me not doing it, makes me feel bad.

I'm so tired of fighting. I feel I have had enough of life.