After porn comes more lies

After discovering the truth and confronting him, I really thought he understood how heartbroken I was, and he ofcourse claims, that he had thrown away the toys and stopped watching porn immidiately.

First he seemed genuine and very understanding,  but...

I'm such an idiot!

Some time later on, I was looking at recipes and comparing 2. I decided to go for the first one, but couldn't get the recipe  back on the laptop. But history has suddenly been wiped.

It doesn't suddenly disappear, you have to do that manually.

Again I confronted him. He claimed ofcourse, he had not done anything, besides we have had sex several times,  he claimed.

I went to my calendar and started to look back, for each page I turned, I saw his face look more weird.

4 months! Once in 4 months.

I didn't ask anything, the stupid excuses make me sick, besides I don't need to ask.

Theres NO man who goes without sex for 4 months, if he has a woman right next to him. Theres must theres something more interesting for him to "do:.

This time I didn't really feel much but a bit sad, cause I know what's going on.

He is still watching porn, he is just not computer wise enough to know, what history actually means. 

But to make a long story short, it doesn't prevent others to find, what you watch.

I have given up any discussion now, he wont realise, how much he has hurt me and still does.

He doesn't talk about any previous girlfriends, so apparently somethig is not over.

At newyears he showed me a message from his messenger. I noticed a long row of girls he had been sending hearts and virtual hugs to in october. 

I checked my own messages and I haven't received anything like that from him in october or anytime else for that matter..

I am currently having a huge discussion with myself whether I should stay here or not. I love him, but...

He is "just not that into me", and apparently he prefers to look at porn and jerk off, rather than be with me.

AND he lies about it, he talks about me with others, also talks about me with previous girlfriends  

Sometimes he leaves the house to talk on the phone, so I wont hear the conversation, and naturally he gets messages all the time 

Buy do you know, what I don't get?

With all the above 'interests' and secrets, why the hell has he asked me to marry him twice?