I Have The Worst Panic Attack This Morning

My little girl is on a sleep over at a friend. My boy is still sleeping. I'm in my "safe spot", which is the sofa, and I have managed to fire up the fireplace and make chamomile tea.
But anxiety is eating me up right now. I try to write my feelings out at the moment.
I'm so scared about the future. What will come next(?) It doesn't really feel like life has been good to us lately.
Will I ever be able to get on the other side of this(?)

There's so many thoughts building up inside...
I have to go to an examination to get my uterus checked after I had my Violent Hemorrhage.
Is there something wrong, since I had that - is that "something" the cause of my Miscarriage(?) Or is it after the abortion, something went wrong(?)

And what about the house(?) Will I be able to handle such a big house on my own(?) Or should I sell it and buy another smaller house(?) Even the thought of moving stresses me out. We have SO much stuff, packing it down seems like a never ending task. Not only our own stuff, but also the stuff from my ex boyfriend, and all the stuff we have, after the death of  the childrens father.

And will we ever be able to get our pictures back(?) I have - again - written a mail to my ex boyfriend in that matter, and of course I have still got no answer.

God, I cant handle all the shit right now, I will allow myself to escape to another place for a moment, and hope that I after a little while will manage to get rid of the anxiety and be able to get some stuff done in the house.