Overwhelming feelings

Thank you very much for your kind and heartwarming emails. I'm currently not writing much, I know, but don't worry, I'm hanging in there and am currently fighting off my own demons.

I'm frustrated about a lot of stuff, and as usual, If there's too much, it's like clothes in a dryer, rolling around in a big mess.
And I can't seem to find the button to turn it off.

But it's the "normal" stuff like
Will I ever get better?
What about employment?
Can I control my anger, which is new to me?

And now thoughts about family... When I invite them to something, there's thousands of excuses. But they can easily  find time to see others.

Maybe it's just me, and my sickness showing it's ugly head, maybe it's not.

But I tried to tell my mom, but "it's just me, I should not have such feelings." I don't know exactly how to put it into words, but I end up sad and also angry, because she can't tell me what to feel!
"Don't feel like that" she says...  What does she expect(?) That I shrug my shoulders, say okay and never think about it again. Sigh.

And no matter what, facts doesn't lie.
I have invited to dinners, lunches, coffee, and trips, many many times, but they turned me down.
I've tried with inviting myself for a 15 minute cup of tea - 15 minutes!

They were too busy.

I was invited twice, once to move, and once to help hanging up lamps and pictures. I came, just to see them. Since we came twice and had a 2 hour drive each way, I told them that a housewarming was expected.
I have yet to receive an invitation.

I rest my case!