Psychiatrist: I have to stay at the mental hospital

I have been tired all day, I didn't sleep very well. The task from yesterday was very har for me, to write an "emotional/psychological curriculum vitae".
I haven't been able to finish it yet, and it was shocking to me, to see all the shit in writing - and I'm not even finished... 

I saw the Psychiatrist today, and once again we had the talk about all the shit that has been happening. Talk about my medication change, and how I felt after the change in medication. Well, how do I feel (?)
I miss so much to be able to go outside, and not just stay indoors. I feel a bit better, than when I arrived Thursday evening, but as I told the Psychiatrist, its hard to say if the "feeling a bit better" comes from the medication, a placebo effect caused by me knowing I get new medication, that I am more able to rest and its not so stressful here in some way... After a long talk, I got the "judgment"...

I have to stay here!
God, that's so depressing in itself. Even though I feel it to be good to me to be here in some way, I also feel "a bit" like being in jail. I really needed to relax, and still need to do that - and this environment allows me to, since I don't have to worry about the children, cooking, cleaning, work, fixing up the house - everything.

But still... Even though we have a lot of rooms for activities, I feel like I need to DO something more constructive, which I can't do here.

They keep telling me, that right now I have to put myself in focus, feel what I need, and then do that. Sleep the most possible, relax, gain weight...

My blood samples show, that I have too high cholesterol - so I guess I have to figure out the little "riddle" of gaining weight without eating fat!

Photo by: h.koppdelaney