It's so easy to see the all the mistakes after wards, all the signs, that I have overlooked - or perhaps even have chosen to overlook. And that goes both for my ex husband, and my ex boyfriend.
I was so scared to live alone, that I lived with an alcoholic for 17 years, where the last 10 years was hell for me - but I couldn't figure out how to leave him. The very thought of being alone was too frightening.
And my ex boyfriend... He captured my heart with all his wonderful letters, sms', flowers and attention - made me flying on a little pink cloud of love, until he got me. Then it quickly changed.
I feel sure, that if he knew, I was in the hospital, he could care less. Maybe it would even be funny to him - something to laugh about with his brothers... One of the last things he told me, was that he hated me! That's hard to hear from someone you love.
Today I was doing a little escape into second life, and looking to sort out my groups, I found the one, that he made for us - when we were still living apart from each other. There was the first sign, that I had chose to overlook. In my name title I had written X's baby - for everyone to see, that I was taken.
In his profile, he had chosen to make the group invisible for others.
So I guess its right, just like the profile says: "they keep all their options open."
I have lost all confidence in other people. I have been lied to and used too many times. My ex boyfriend left without a goodbye, leaving it up to me to handle everything. When he came back to deliver the car, he took all computer hardware - even though he had told me, that he already bought a new one. He was also showing off his new phone, but he didn't have money enough to take care of the dog, that he wished to get - and that I had to get rid off. He has not even offered to pay the 200 euros phone bill, he managed to make, after he left me. So yes, the profile fits in this case also, no consideration for other people, no consciousness, they feel no guilt. If they can't use you, they trash you - and don't even look back.
Thank God he did it before Christmas... He was sad, (that's the manipulative part) that he didn't own anything - nothing was his. So I had ordered a nameplate for the door, with all our names on it, which he should have for Christmas, along with my signed papers, that he was co-owner of the house.
Its incredible, how we are able to overlook the danger signals, when we are so much in love. I guess it is why the call it "blinded by love".
Wow, writing about it made me feel much better, now I have also got that out of my system. I think that calls for celebration with a cup of coffee.
Photo by: Brian Hillegas
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