The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth....

...so help me God!

Sometimes I feel, that I am getting better.
But then I have fall backs, like yesterday. I wanted to kill myself, but the f****** knives in this house, that I have rented, is not sharp enough.
I tried to cut my veins in my arm and my leg, but it was not possible.

I feel bad for my children, to have a mom like me. I'm the only one they have left, and I am such a fuck up.

I try to "hide" behind a big smile and stupid jokes. Its just a facade, there's nothing true about me. I don't even know, who I am anymore. I have been hiding my true feelings for so long, that I cant even get in touch with them anymore.

I feel like a pharmacy inside. I take all the medication, the doctor has described, but I don't know if it is the correct medication, I get.
Sometimes I think we are just experimental animals. There is no test to figure out, what kind of medication we get, as I wrote in an earlier post.

The veterinarians daily ends the life of suffering animals, why the hell is it not allowed for humans(?)