Panick attacks comes like lightening from clear sky

Yesterday I was actually having a "medium" day, and I finally had something to look forward to, so I didn't expect this coming at all.

I'm trying to figure out, why I got such an enormous attack, that it lead me to get the wish to cut myself, which I managed to not do. However then I turned to another escape, the alcohol - which I cant drink while I'm on the "bus". So I took one glass of wine, drank half of it, and then felt my body totally rejecting it, making me feel even worse. So I took some relaxation medication and finally fell asleep.

I want to know WHY this is happening. Why I get such panic attacks and loose total control of myself and my own wishes... Cause I don't wish to cut myself, I don't want to drink - its just a form of escape. What is bothering me so much for the moment, that I loose total control(?)


I'm going to the dentist today, but I knew that. I know I need work done, cause a couple of days ago I lost some plastic on one of my teeth. The last times the dentist has not been able to numb be well enough, so it scares me to go there, but I also know it's necessary.

Then there's the social services... We contacted them ourselves to see, if they could help us in any way. However things is not going as I expected. I don't feel the cooperation, that I expected from them. They want my acceptance to contact the school, however my little girls school teacher has some kind of hate towards me.
I don't know, where this hate comes from, but its so clear. At the last school meeting, her behavior was totally unacceptable. This is not just my words, that's also my moms evaluation.
My mom has called the social services and told them about this, however the outcome was not as I wished it to be. So I have written to them myself, to explain my point of view in regards to the school.

Well, just writing about it makes me feel bad, so now I guess I have found the source of my panic attack. I know that panic attacks and anxiety can attack without any kind of reason. But this time, my best guess is, that the people from the social services is not helping me, like we hoped they would, but frustrating the hell out of me instead.