A new start, new dreams for the future starts to take form

After my total mental breakdown, after the dissociation phase, it has all been darkness and a sorrow so deep, that a future was totally impossible to even think about. I was living from moment to moment. When I was falling asleep, it was with the hope never to wake up again.

After the visit from the psychiatrist team today, I went outside in the sunshine to clear my brain. I didn't think about anything particular, but started to clean a little weed, looking at the flowers, that starts to fight their way up through the dirt and bring a little sunshine to the world.
Being out in the sun helps me a lot, even though if its just for a short while. The weed I remove, or the little gardening I get done, does not matter - its not the goal.

I start to have little lights at the end of the tunnel now. In the garden I finally got an idea for the Easter Vacation.
All our vacations has previously gone to my ex boyfriends home country, so we could visit his family. He comes from a beautiful area, where there's a lot of activities. So the last years we never had any thoughts about where to go during vacation - that's why it has been so hard on me to even make up an idea.

Also in regards to the house and the garden, I couldn't think about a future here - here I have lost almost everything. Sometimes I have even had the thought, that this house was cursed in some way!
But I start to feel it growing safer to me - its hard to explain. Before I just wanted to run away, but now I get little ideas - which I of course know I should not put a plan up for realizing in near future (because I must focus on resting and sleeping). But the very thought, that I now get little ideas, little dreams - even how small - that must mean that I am in the good direction.
For the first time, I actually start to have a little hope, little dreams for the future. Something to look forward to - and that makes SO much difference.