Memories of my ex boyfriend was everywhere at first...

- but now it seems to finally begin to lighten.
Each time I opened the freezer, there was huge packs of meat, so I could prepare the big meals necessary, when you are cooking for a family of 4, where the husband and the big teenager are heavy eaters. Seeing that in the freezer also brought memories from the time, when we went to the store buying it all the 4 of us...
But little after little we have used it up, and the memories from that start to fade.
I think, that a part of my eating problem is caused by the fact, that I always enjoyed to make dinner for all of them. We were a family, and it was more a rule than an exception, that I served 2 or 3 courses at dinner. I enjoyed that, to make everybody happy about the dinner I was serving - and especially my ex boyfriend, since his abilities in the kitchen was quite limited.

But I'm starting to "take my kitchen back" in some way. I even bought a new food processor!
Somehow every little new stuff in the house seems to make the memories fade more and more. I still have no appetite at all, and I'm still disgusted by food and making it, but it seems that I am in the right direction in that regard.

In the kitchen cabinets is still the foie gras, which I should have served as an entry at his birthday, and the candied cherries, that should have been used for his birthday cake. In the candle drawer is still the candlenumber of his birthday age to put on his birthday cake, and his birthday present is still wrapped in the closet of my daughter. Everything for his birthday was prepared for a long time, my phone still have huge lists of ideas for his birthday. I wanted to do everything to make him happy, even though nothing seemed to be good enough for him. 
But I am going to start to change the memories from that too. Since the children does not like the foie gras, I guess I'll give it as a gift to someone who will enjoy it. The candle with his age, well, I guess it makes a good purpose in the fireplace.

Everywhere in the house there was pictures of him, me and the children. I loved the times we spend together, when we were in nature, on bikes, on hikes, sailing, fishing and making bonfire out in nature, picking mushrooms... I thought it was so wonderful to have a man, that enjoyed those things as much as I did - but the love he had for me never existed. I see it all as a lie now. 
So, most of the pictures we have changed. Now we mainly have pictures of the children, and some of their dead father. There is still a couple with my ex boyfriend left in the house, that needs to be changed, but its a good start.

When my ex boyfriend left, we were in the process of renewing the bathroom.
Now it has become "the childrens and my" bathroom. We have decided together, what we want to put there.
Chose the furniture, the pictures, the candle arrangement etc.
You are not able to notice such details on this picture, however around the glasses with the candles, there is little stones and sea shells, which we have collected on some of our trips to the ocean. This brings in some way some peace and nature to the room, which I enjoy very much. (The plant however, I have decided to change - lol) Its too big, but for now it's there.

Every little change in the house makes the memories and "wish" of the family, I thought we had, fade a little - and change into the acceptance of the family we are now. Me and the children.