Cutting

I cant escape. There's no way out of here.
Dealing with feelings is so difficult, I can't handle it.
There is some escapes, that I turn to from time to time, as I have described before. Taking too much relaxation medication is my preferred, drinking alcohol is another (but since I'm on the Antabuse, its impossible). 
But I can't be here, I don't want to be here, I want to get out of here....

I don't feel like a whole person - I'm just a shell.
Living hell on earth!

I have started cutting again. I know - not a good thing... It's a down spiral.
This picture is of my left arm. The scars is from yesterday, so you dont see the bleeding.
I enjoy the pain when I cut!
It makes me feel alive.
Seeing the blood streaming from my body confirms, that I am living - even though I feel dead.

The psy team is coming tomorrow - I hope they have something to offer!