I've been at a meeting today(friday), where I thought I might be cleared to work.
OMG they are incredible. They don't understand anything.
Now I'm noted as having dementia, what the fuck is going on?
What about PTSD, or as they call it now: PTSS, that in self gives memory loss?
On top of that put 3 days without sleep, a tiny dash of anxiety and a bit of scare to be disappointed, and let's see how much they remember.
But now all of a sudden it's not PTSD / PTSS, it's not insomnia, it's not depression nor anxiety. Now I have dementia!
God it must be a long education to become a job consultant, when you have to study medicine too!!!
What bothers me the most is the word dementia, it was not delivered to me by my doctor. I was given the information NOT by the doctor, but by a jobconsultant.
SHE got the info from my doc, who has never mentioned it to me and my bf before. (He is in on every meeting as a vitness.) And now it's apparently both of us, since he doesn't remember that either.
SHE got the info from my doc, who has never mentioned it to me and my bf before. (He is in on every meeting as a vitness.) And now it's apparently both of us, since he doesn't remember that either.
I'm sick and tired of this. They sit there thinking they can play around with people's lifes and futures. And they actually do.
My weekend(?)
Well, I can't contain any excessive water, cause I cry all the time.
I can't sleep, my thoughts are killing me. Seriously I have considered 4 times this weekend to take my overdose and resign from my social security number.
Don't bother doing anything about this, cause I have 2 children, their father is dead - no I will not hurt them by doing anything like that. But the thought has not only come to mind, it was a serious consideration from my point of view, weather it's worth the fight to stay here.
I can't sleep, my thoughts are killing me. Seriously I have considered 4 times this weekend to take my overdose and resign from my social security number.
Don't bother doing anything about this, cause I have 2 children, their father is dead - no I will not hurt them by doing anything like that. But the thought has not only come to mind, it was a serious consideration from my point of view, weather it's worth the fight to stay here.
What's my future? Nothing.
I seriously see no options of bettering my situation at all, I have no longer any hope for a job, cause I can't "work" to get a job under these circumstances.
I have to stay here, in a house I hate, sleeping on a sofa, and living in an area where people bad mouth me, without even knowing me. I can't move.
I'm scared of almost everything.
I can't support the childrens education.
I feel useless and self esteem is something I only know from reading about it.
I can't even visit my children each month, cause I can't afford the trip. The children also start to look at me funny, cause they are use to me looking fine, now I think they are a bit embarrassed. But it's understandable, I really look more and more like a hobo.
I like to travel, but I don't see that coming at any point in the future anymore, well I guess I could start walking!
Or perhaps hitchhiking! That's a win win situation. I go along with a stranger in a car. Either I get to a new place or end up by SBH - suicide by hitchhiking.
I seriously see no options of bettering my situation at all, I have no longer any hope for a job, cause I can't "work" to get a job under these circumstances.
I have to stay here, in a house I hate, sleeping on a sofa, and living in an area where people bad mouth me, without even knowing me. I can't move.
I'm scared of almost everything.
I can't support the childrens education.
I feel useless and self esteem is something I only know from reading about it.
I can't even visit my children each month, cause I can't afford the trip. The children also start to look at me funny, cause they are use to me looking fine, now I think they are a bit embarrassed. But it's understandable, I really look more and more like a hobo.
I like to travel, but I don't see that coming at any point in the future anymore, well I guess I could start walking!
Or perhaps hitchhiking! That's a win win situation. I go along with a stranger in a car. Either I get to a new place or end up by SBH - suicide by hitchhiking.
And back to the children, who I have been claimed not to love - from the wife of my co-leader!
Then I knew the truth, I knew, what they were thinking of me, and I could not face that every day at work, so I got scared to go there.
But no matter what stories they have heard and apparently chose to believe in - I love my children and will not do anything to hurt them.
Then I knew the truth, I knew, what they were thinking of me, and I could not face that every day at work, so I got scared to go there.
But no matter what stories they have heard and apparently chose to believe in - I love my children and will not do anything to hurt them.
Right now I'm having a very difficult time to figure out, what to do. I have written an email to the jobconsultant and telephoned the doctor to withdraw my agreement for them to share information.
After that I have closed all contacts to the outside world. So now it's only my children, parents, BF and my blog manager, who can reach me.
I don't need other people to tell me, that I'm useless.
I already know.
I already know.
And other than that, I have no idea of what to do anymore. It seems like each time I get my head above water, I just get a grasp of air, before I am pushed under again. I can't keep living like this.
Take care
Out there
Self esteem is a must
You can nobody trust
Out there
Self esteem is a must
You can nobody trust
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