I am irritable and restless

I'm so tired and my mind wants to sleep, but my body disagrees.

There's so much stuff going on inside of me this last month, that I'm totally confused. And exhausted.

Because all these conflicting feelings I have inside confuses my mind even more, and I still haven't figured out the reason why.

Sometimes I just want to cover myself up in a blanket and pretend, I don't even exist.

In an attempt to find ease from the thoughts, I start a lot of projects, but don't stick with them for long. I simply can't hold my mind steady on one single project.

My sleeping methods description is about to be so large, that I wanted to make a shortcut to all of them, but then Google messes with my plans, and I don't get further.

Then I start dinner, but burn half of it, because I forget it. And all my time and the food is wasted.

It's simply like I can't succeed in anything right now. Maybe I'm simply affected by seasonal affective disorder. The dark grey weather most certainly does not help the mood. I wish I could afford to travel just a bit. It seems like I mainly spend the last 3 years at the hospital or recovering at home until next surgery. It doesn't feel like I have had a break in anything since 2009. God that's almost 10 years now!
But well, I hope to get a job at some point, so I can travel at least one more time.

And job... After my last experience, I'm not really sure, what I want. I'm not sure what I can handle. Nothing to stressful.

Now I'm restless again, so I'll stop for now and hope, you have a better day.