I feel restless.
My monthly "sickness income" is getting less and less, and even though the government think so: I do not get better just because they cut in my income.
Further more it is the governments waiting lists for hospitals, that has kept me there...
It has quite an effect on me, this lack of money "shit". It stresses me out totally each time they cut, cause I can't do a damn thing to change it.
I have no more expenses that I'm able to cut away.
I have no more expenses that I'm able to cut away.
I got a hair cut last year. I got one new set of clothes 3.5 years ago. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs.
I would like to be able to at least give my children a decent Christmas, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to do that this year.
We went to a huge Christmas event today, but in my case, it was only to challenge my SAD.
It went fine, most of the limited time we were there.
I usually buy one new little thing each year to hang on the tree. Something special. But I have to postpone that for next year, I really save everything I can, so it was not an especially fun event for me.
It went fine, most of the limited time we were there.
I usually buy one new little thing each year to hang on the tree. Something special. But I have to postpone that for next year, I really save everything I can, so it was not an especially fun event for me.
Why go there, if you're not going to buy anything anyway.
I told everyone else here, that I am leaving this property in one way or another before next Christmas. If my fiance want to live with me, he will have to follow me downward in the country. Closer to my mom, closer to the ocean, and most importantly more options to get a to get a job or be able to create a job, so I'm able to contribute and feel useful.
(I skyped the Farmer for advice, cause I was SO frustrated I felt like beating up someone.)
"If I didn't want to go to bed tossing and turning, I should get all that negative energy out of my body. Preferably in a constructive way. Scrub the floors...."
Aye Captain!
So I got on my knees and scrubbed the floors. At first mainly cause I was frustrated and pissed off, then I saw how everything started to sparkle, and now I'm attacking every little piece of dirt I lay my eyes on.
From anger, frustration, restlessness and despair, to quite happy about the result and my effort, and a bit tired in a good way.
Wow.
Power to "the Farmer", I hope you have you own "Farmer" to inspire you out there.
Wow.
Power to "the Farmer", I hope you have you own "Farmer" to inspire you out there.
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