Merry Christmas thank you mom

I am so disappointed, I can't even begin to describe it.

Finally I thought they started to believe in me again and look at me with the same eyes of respect and love, that my family used to.

But it turns out, that the only reason mom wanted me at the hospital was because she needed a driver.

She called me up and started wrapping things up. "How was the trip with the children... blah blah." I was just wondering what was really the reason of that phone call.

And then it came... Despite of what she said last year, she is spending Christmas with her sister and my cousin.
Last year I even brought up the idea, that we could all be together like in the old days, but that would be too much past year.
I guess it's still too much, I didn't even bother to ask.

Well being her only child, and she choose to be without me for second year in a row... I sure makes me feel special. Specially unwanted.

I was tired upfront, but after that message I finally could sleep, which is one if my preferred distractions, whenever possiible. Now I've slept for approximately 36 hours, its the perfect facelift, so I almost look young again :-)

I'm more calm about it now. Actually I feel nothing but numb. I've probably pulled out all defences and put up every shield I have. And nothing, absolutely nothing gets thru that. I don't feel sad, but I'm embarrassed to say I feel a bit vindictive.

I'll show her, that we are going to have the best time without her. I wish I could afford to take a trip with my fiance and children to - where there's snow. Norway, Sweden, France? Rent a little primitive treehut and celebrate in front of the fire...

Well to get the children together for a week is most likely a dream, but no matter what, even though I barely have the finances to buy anything, I am somehow going to make this Christmas great.