Now we know it is cancer

I was tired, and the trains schedule didn't really fit my appointments.
Never the less I arrived at the Hospital early, which I was prepared for.

Mom was driving there, I don't understand why, cause she looked for a parking space for 20 minutes. And normally the train stops 200 meters from the entrance.

But well... As you might have guessed from the picture, she has cancer.

The doctors will discuss the best treatment for cancer patients each week to agree on the selected treatment. So we'll know by Friday, what is going to happen next..

After they told us, and after all the questions we had, we were just silent. We walked the long hallways and drove 5 floors in the elevator, saying nothing.

Then I finally suggested, that we could go to the house of cancer patients and get a cup of coffee/tea.
We talked a bit with the nice people working there, and they showed us around the house.

It was good to sit there and have a talk. At least I didn't want to leave my mom just like that.

Mom insisted on driving me to the train station, we walked to the car, which was parked I dunno where....
At the train station it was extremely cold. No heat anywhere, and my train was late.
So when I finally arrived to the station where I should change train, the other train had left. So I waited again in the cold, but it was okay to be able to be alone with your thoughts.

And I don't even know what my thoughts are. I'm really scared that my mom will die. I'm not affraid to die myself, I'm scared like shit to live without my mom.
Let's just hope it won't be the outcome of this, then I'll loose it again I think. And the very thought of going thru yet another total mental breakdown is scary enough.

I've been resting most of the day. All I did was to pack a bag, since I'm going to surgery tomorrow.
Yay, more hospitals!