When you arrive at the Mental Hospital, it may look as the rest of the hospital OR it may be an old building.
Try not to pay attention to the looks on the outside....
Sex Anxiety and Depression
Anxiety and depression travels close amongst each other, most often followed by low self esteem.
I've been in such a black hole, that I thought I didn't deserve to be loved or even get a hug from anybody....
SAD challenge and restless activities
I feel restless.
My monthly "sickness income" is getting less and less, and even though the government think so: I do not get better just because they cut in my income.
Further more it is the governments waiting lists for hospitals, that has kept me there......
My calendar has control
I've lost track of days and sleepless nights.
Everything I do with my time right now is going to surgery myself, that went fine.
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Hospital Packing Checklist
You are not going overseas for a year, so be critical when packing for the hospital commitment.
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Surgery today
More Hospitals, but this time I finally got thru the waiting list after 6 months!
I dunno... I didn't really think about it, I think I've gone totally numb. ...
Now we know it is cancer
I was tired, and the trains schedule didn't really fit my appointments.
Never the less I arrived at the Hospital early, which I was prepared for....
Merry Christmas thank you mom
I am so disappointed, I can't even begin to describe it.
Finally I thought they started to believe in me again and look at me with the same eyes of respect and love, that my family used to.
But it turns out, that the only reason mom wanted me at the hospital was because she needed a driver.
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Headaches
A couple of months ago I started to get these terrible headaches.
It's worst in the forehead, sometimes it also right in front of the ears and even in my teeth.
I know nothing is wrong with my teeth, but it hurts anyway....
I wonder how long this trip is going to take
Walks on the lonely never ending hallways of the Hospital late in the evening...
Muffled sounds far away from other people in the same situation....
Restlessness is a pain in the butt
I'm pacing back and fort. Go to get something, forget what it was, sees something else, and starts with that, until the next thing happens..
I had started on the pantry. Finds some boxes for the kitchen. Mess a little around there, until I recall the pantry.
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I am in robot mode
I think it's a sort of dissociation, the bad kind. It's not like I suddenly have multiple identities, but I'm cleaning house like my life depended on it....
I am so tired
A lot of my energy must be drained out. I slept all afternoon. Fell asleep early. Couldn't wake up this morning.
I guess it's my self defence who's trying to get me into the state of escape.
Just sail away on an ocean of dreams...
I know I can't go thru life blindfolded, so I'll have to wake up from this depressive state and be the support I have allways been.
But for now, I hope the dreams will sail me away into an long relaxing calm night, I know I'll need my energy soon enoug...
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