Christmas and New Years Evening

December was hell for me.
Jingle bells, lights, happiness - fuck it. I just wanted to die.
For my children, I wished to had a positive view of things, but I couldn't at all. I did not care. I wanted to die.
Everywhere I went (when I was outside, and that was not often) it was happiness all over - parents/couples being together with their children.
I didn't have that - I didn't even understand why I didn't have that. I was left without explanation.
Already in November I was prepared for Christmas, I had huge plans -the first gifts was already bought.
Then he left me - my boyfriend.
Everything fell down to ground zero.

Me being so sick, I was living at my parents place. Trying to handle work the best I could from there, controlling what I could with the teams, beeing on the phone a lot.

Christmas was horrible. New years even worse.
Well, maybe another day Ill finish this