Personal Note - Status Ultimo January

I have been writing facts, cold and hard facts, about my Psychologist and doctors visits. About medication, about tools, about research.
I haven't been writing much about how I feel, and how I am otherwise doing.

Physical facts:
Well, my wight is climbing. I am now at 51,4 kg. That's a huge progress from the 47,4 that I was looking at 14 days ago. I still feel cold, but well, there's mother nature facts too, it's cold outside, so that's only natural.
I trow up sometimes still, not by choice, but I guess that the weight climbing is a good fact.
I still hate eating, I still hate the process of making food (before I was enjoying to work for hours in the kitchen).
I'm bleeding again, like a period, but its not. 


Mental facts:
I miss to have a man to come home to. I know I have the children, but it is not the same.
I miss to have someone to fall asleep with, someone to cuddle, someone to have sex with.
I wish, that I had the desire to live, I don't. I don't see anything positive in the future.

Well, maybe I'll finish this another day, for now I'm too tired.