The eternal fight not to spiral down

It seems I live my life constantly fighting NOT to go down, and the thought of being a sinking ship, it's actually a cause of a bit of anxiety.

Also, when I'm spiraling down, I tent to fight to stay above ground and not fall into the hole of nothing. But that fight takes up a lot of energy.

With Covid19/Corona, even I feel the lack of contact to other people now. Living isolated like this at home is very bad for my anxiety as well. Now I'm back living behind locked doors and afraid to get the mail.

However, as everyone else, I get depressed by this quarantine. My anxiety blooms without me knowing it, cause we live isolated, I don't even experience it much, except when we go out on rare occasions....

I was fighting not to go down at first by keeping busy. But when the bad feelings takes over, you can't fight it anyway, so this time, I just stepped into the ride voluntarily.

When I felt the urge to sleep, I slept. I turned off my phone to avoid interruptions. I was just alive. 

I could be looking out the window at the snow falling for hours. Watch an old TV series from start to finish, no matter what time it was. I simply accepted and followed the demands/needs of my body.

That was a soft landing! 

I was down, yes, and at the buttom, absolutely. But I wasn't exhausted by the fight not to go down as usual. 

And the end of this bad period will also arrive here faster, because I was willing to listen to my body.

I'll definitely do exactly like this, when it happens next time. I won't fight the inevitable. 

It's not a cure, but a softer landing doesn't damage the airplane as much as a crash landing. I'll be up flying this time more fast, than I normally would do.