Now You See Me - not

I've done exactly what I do "normally", when I've kissed the floor - sort of speak. I put up all my defenses, all psychological shields.

I've also gone hiding from input, protecting myself from the world. I have no outside contact to other than the closest people: my children, my mom and of course my fiance.

I don't watch TV news, I don't go online to check mail, and I write on my phone, send it to my very supportive and patient manager CC, who I also contact once in a while, otherwise I know, she gets nervous.
I don't write much these days either, but CC will take it and publish it for me, so I don't have any obstacles there.

 
My phone BTW is on mute. I don't answer calls from anybody, only the above mentioned people.

I'm fed up with BS and "it will get better"- speeches. I can't find a plausible reason to stay. There's no hope, no endlessness of suffering. If if we're not for the children, "Elvis" had already left "The building."

I hate this world, where everyone lies, steal end even kill each other. It BS, false advertisement all the way around, whether it's politicians, religious people, salesmen or "friends." There is not ONE of them you can totally trust. If you wait to share something personal with anyone, the buy a dog. Otherwise don't be surprised, if you one day find a knife stuck In you back.

What do everyone want the most in this life(?)
To find love, have children, have a best friend for life, and have time to enjoy each others company.

But actions speak louder than words.

We use obscene amounts of money on war. We pollute our planet, but don't worry, we have planned to work on that "The day after tomorrow." No problem.

We notice,
what we want to see.
And listen to
what we want to hear.

Why stay in a place, where adult people play "the game of life" without realizing, that there is no second turns...
And that's just the overall picture. When you zoom into the neighborhood and friends, how is it exactly we treat each other?
Lies, cheats, talks of other people behind their back!

 
What kind of place have we all turned this into?
You don't see animals treat each other like this, so who is the smartest animal on earth(?)

I don't know why thoughts like this build up, but when you are on the bottom of life, sometimes I wonder whether the fight to get up from here is worth the effort. Won't  I just once again get hammered in the face, when I stick my head above surface(?)