Covid followed by energy crisis

I had a busy but none the less great summer, hope that goes for all of you.With all the changes going on in the writers team, great changes I might add, I had a lot of stuff to process in my mind. Especially what purpose I want for my blog, where should it all lead to.While swimming in the lake, it came to me, that I have already told you about my situation, how hard it can be to fight depression, anxiety and PTSD (PTSS).My first purpose has already...

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Gravity

I have had a serious down time period. No matter how hard I struggle, I simply couldn't get up long time enough to get a properly grasp of the edge. We had a meeting with a real estate agent a week ago, and he started talking. At one point, the agent asked me a question, and when I looked at him, I realized;  I didn't understand, what he was saying!I could hear him talking, but the words didn't make sense.The panic attack...

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The feeling of enthusiasm

I'm fascinated of how much the feeling of enthusiasm means to me. I can't remember, last time I felt like this.I now wake up on the morning and can't wait to start the day, I go to sleep in the evening looking forward to the next day.What a diffence, huh?What changed?Well, for many years I have been attached to a writes group called CC Team. This group protected me, my privacy, and made sure, I had all ressources nessesary to be able...

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I lost my passion

I had no longer any passion, no desire to do anything. I'm sorry, you haven't heard from me, but I felt like "what's the point, I have nothing useful to share anyway"When I started something new, I didn't have the energi to focus on finishing the task. I didn't really care about anything any more, didn't even bother to take care of myself. Forgot to take my medication - well, forgot is not really true. Truth is I didn't bother to...

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I wish someone would listen

I wish I was invincible instead of being ignored all the time.I thought a lot about this post, the first post in a very long time.I don't want you to leave this site empty handed, which I've got the feeling you have done for a long time.I haven't had a lot of news to share, Covid19, isolation etc didn't have a huge impact on me in the beginning. I'm used to be alone, I'm so used to have nobody to talk to, and especially used to noone...

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Hes just not that into you

Thank you very much for your mails and suggestions of how to solve our problem in the bedroom.I've read all your comments, cause I still have issues caused by my boyfriends comments and bad excuses to escape from having sex with me.Some of you suggest I understand him. And I have tried.I tried to understand. I tried talking, yelling, screaming, telling him how much he hurt me. I took him to a sex shop, and we bought a game. We had sex...

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The eternal fight not to spiral down

It seems I live my life constantly fighting NOT to go down, and the thought of being a sinking ship, it's actually a cause of a bit of anxiety.Also, when I'm spiraling down, I tent to fight to stay above ground and not fall into the hole of nothing. But that fight takes up a lot of energy.With Covid19/Corona, even I feel the lack of contact to other people now. Living isolated like this at home is very bad for my anxiety as well. Now...

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Nothing left to say

On top of being alone and isolated all the time, not just because of Corona, but because I had to sell my car. Being isolated is quite nomal for me.And on top of being ignored, shouted at, frozen out, left alone, told to move out, finding porn and sexual pleasurement for males in the bedroom, my Saturday went as follows...Today we had one fight in the afternoon, caused by his lies.In the evening, I thought we should be watching a movie...

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Depression a lifesucking tornado

Happy new year.Sorry to start without any huge enthusiasm, but each year I hope everything gets better - and I always get disappointed. So let's not take a walk thru that park again!I had a bit of a shitty day yesterday, now my BF is going back to work, and I can be very scared to be alone.I didn't want to annoy anyone with this, I'm so tired of feeling whining. So I called a friend who I trust equally as family, to get a lifeline. ...

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And so this is christmas

According to American movies, advertisements and my own expectations, this should be such a happy time.But doctors appointments and meetings with social services takes a lot of the spare time. My boyfriend works long hours a day, to be able to take a day off, when I need to go the hospital etc.I'm used to be the wife in total control, now I feel I have none. I have no car to go do shopping and make all those kind of preparations, I'm...

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The brain seen like a mental equalizer

Reading descriptions of mental disorders and injuries, you often find some resemblance to yourself, no matter what disorder or injury, you find.As a little thought experiment,  I've started to try to look at the brain as an equalizer, cause I've started the experiment  with the thought, that we all contain a bit of every disorder. In between the scale area of average, we actually and find the biggest part of people - let's...

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Silence after the storm

I don't really know what I'm doing. I just exist.It seems like I'm doing exactly, like the psychiatrist said I do - I put up my shield. When hurt, my brain builds up a fence, that blocks out certain feelings.If I get hurt enough, the fence ends up being impossible to break down. I have to say, it must be very effective, when even a psychiatrist can't get inside your brain. I'm quite impressed by the bodys way of protecting itself....

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When a punch in the face would hurts less

Why did I tell you about our sexual problems in the bedroom? It doesn't connect with anxiety and depression.Or does it?Since my boyfriend seemed to prefer to seek sexual satisfaction with his toys and porn over me, I was really down.It felt like a punch in the face would have hurt much less, however equally a dealbreaker.It most certainly affected my self-esteem and my awareness of how skinny I am.I question, if my body would turn on...

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After porn comes more lies

After discovering the truth and confronting him, I really thought he understood how heartbroken I was, and he ofcourse claims, that he had thrown away the toys and stopped watching porn immidiately.First he seemed genuine and very understanding,  but...I'm such an idiot!Some time later on, I was looking at recipes and comparing 2. I decided to go for the first one, but couldn't get the recipe  back on the laptop. But history...

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