3 or in the bedroom or what

I'm a bit shocked. Shocked to the point, where I totally shut down, I have nothing to say, and my so-called fiance most certainly has not either.

I was cleaning the bedroom and found several sextoys for men back in his drawer. I don't sleep in the bedroom, but sometimes he does, cause he is "oh so tired and need to sleep early and sleep in quiet upstairs."

I don't recall, what I was thinking at first. 

Sound was just a windy noise in my ears, and my heart felt like it was pounding like a jack hammer.I thought I was gonna loose it, get yet another complete and total mental breakdown this time.

Then I started to pack, but at the same moment I stuffed my suitcase, I remembered, that I no longer owned a car.

I felt SO neglected and unappreciated, I couldn't even get away, when I needed to, cause I had prioritized to save money to buy a new place together, and he uses money on cheating on me.

When sex was hard after my surgery, I bought the game monogamy for US, while he was buying toys FOR OWN pleasure.

I was so disappointed and also very ashamed, that I wasnt good enough to meet his needs. I cried the whole afternoon. I didn't feel worthy of anything, I was nothing.

And that's why I haven't been writing for such a long time.

Theres ofcourse more to the story, but I thought I owed you all an explanation, and I have to get this out of my system somehow. Nevertheless it's a hard topic for me, so... I'll work on that.

Quotes from the site of my very understanding and trustworthy friends at CCteam