- and there has been several up and down periods in my life.
I found a wonderful boyfrind - so I thought. To make a very long story short, he ended up using all money on my savings account, beating me up so I broke 3 ribs, followed by terrorizing me by phone and SMS. This sweet sweet man, with whom I thought I should spend the rest of my life with... Once again all my dreams were shattered into peaces, and followed by everyone in the neighborhood turning their backs on be because of his lies - that was more than my heart could take.
Unfortunately I have been committed to the Mental Hospital several times during this period, and I haven't even felt the desire to write. I felt so ashamed and worthless - so why should anyone want to read my words(?)
I don't follow politics, I know I should, but I have enough thoughts running in my head, so I choose not to. However I therefore do not know if there has been a change in the funds for mental health, but it seems so. A change for the worse.
I was discharged yesterday, with a very bad experience in my back pack of feelings. The only good thing that happened: I found 3 good friends, with whom I exchanged phone numbers in the hope, that we all will meet again.
We all talked of how we felt the doctors "met" us - and it was the same all over... Not very well. It seemed like they just wanted to kick us out as soon as possible - especially when the weekend was coming close. Several people got discharged, but the four of us got the chance to stay. The nurse (who normally was nice) came to me on Thursday and suggested, that I should be discharged on Friday. I have very big difficulties to be alone in that big house, so she wanted me to go to my parents. Friday however she came and asked me, if I wanted to stay over the weekend. I decided to. No matter the lack of the staffs desire to help us, it is somehow a place that shields us from all the problems, that is eating us up.
Enough about the staff...
Me personally... I have lost desire to do anything. It's a fight to get up in the morning, even to take a shower. I have absolutely no desire to do anything. I hate the thought of food, I used to love to cook, but do absolutely not anymore. I'm scared about everything, anxiety is eating me up from inside. I have been on/off from my job, and I am really really scared to loose my job. However I understand if I do, cause I feel worthless. I feel like a shadow of myself.
Well, I'll finish off from here, since I have nothing positive to write. Take care of you.
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